Everything You Need to Know About Small Talk

The cultural aspect of speaking in a foreign language is as important as the grammar and vocabulary you use. Starting with the wrong topic, using too formal a tone of voice or too much slang, or using some uncommon syntax, make it harder for native speakers to understand you and build trust. Especially when we look at small talk. That’s why we will discuss how to start purposeful conversations with strangers and succeed in it. Keep reading and don’t forget to check out our exclusive offer for a one-on-one consultation with Venya Pak.

What Small Talk is

Small talk is an essential part of American and British culture. It can take place at parties and networking events, in a line or an elevator, at a bus stop or during your visit to a beauty salon or service center. Usually, it either kicks in before a long and serious conversation to break the ice. Or it’s used to fill in the time and avoid awkward silences.

Small talk helps you to start a conversation with a stranger, introduce yourself and get to know each other better. It can be helpful to start this conversation when you want to meet your colleagues, neighbors, or people in your community.

Best and Worst Small Talk Topics

Its name — “small” — refers not only to the length of the conversation, but also to the range of topics you can cover. You won’t go into complex discussions. Instead, you will exchange a few compliments and discuss some common topics, such as weather, hometowns, sports, arts, recent news, celebrity gossip, or travel plans.

Remember the stereotype that British people always talk about the weather? Well, they don’t. But it’s a common topic for small talk, as well as discussing your origins (“I can’t place your accent. Where are you from?”), your commute (“Was it difficult for you to get here? I’ve heard there was a traffic light failure on the Metropolitan line.”), rugby (“Have you seen the game? Scotland could do better!”) and recent news about the royal family (“Have you heard that Kate is expecting? We’ll have another royal heir soon!”).

Some topics should never be brought up during small talk. The list includes politics, religion, social policy, and any other controversial questions. You don’t want to start a big argument or offend another person by expressing your take on these matters. Avoid these subjects, unless you know the point of view of another person and can be sure that you saying it won’t insult them.

Other poor topics include discussing personal matters, such as finance, sex life, age and appearance (unless you want to compliment the person on their style).

Top-5 Tips for Starting the Conversation

Don’t start with an introduction

In schools, they often teach you to start a conversation with the basic introduction of yourself: “Hello, I’m Marina, I’m 30 years old, I’m originally from Russia, but have been living and working in the USA for many years…” If you approach a stranger with this introduction, it will surprise them.

Usually, people try to start a conversation about something immediate that is happening around you. For instance, they will complement your outfit and ask where you bought it, speak about your pet, discuss the new coffee shop or bar that has opened in the neighborhood recently, or speak about the weather.

It does not mean that you are genuinely interested in this opening topic (but good if you are!). However, you start on a positive note, either offering another person a compliment or sharing some potentially useful piece of information (the new cafe offers a discount on takeaway coffees this week; the weather forecast says it will rain this afternoon; etc.). It helps to break the ice and make people personally involved in the conversation.

TIP #1: Start with a compliment

— Hey, I like your jacket, where did you get it from?

— Wow, your hair looks so shiny. Could you recommend the product you use to me?

Ask people about their interests and preferences

A great way to build a conversation is to let other people talk about the things they like. For example, if you are starting a chat in a supermarket, a line to the restaurant, or in a beauty salon, ask people what they are going to have, what is their favorite option or what they like the most.

It will prove to them that you are genuinely interested in the conversation and they would be happy to provide their opinion.

TIP #2: Ask for recommendations

— Hey, I’m new here. What’s the best pastry here? Which one do you like the most?

— Hello, are you regular at this hair salon? Which hair treatment here is the best?

Make people comfortable speaking

We prefer talking when we know that we are listened to and our opinion is appreciated. To show strangers that you are genuinely interested in the conversation and encourage them to share more, you can use a few simple tricks.

One key step is sharing a bit of your own personal information. In the book The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact by Chip Heath and Dan Heath a simple experiment is described. At the bus stop, one person addressed strangers with the following sentence: “My day is over. And how was your day?”. Another person used the following words: “Thank God, this day is over. It was crazy! And how are you doing?”. The second person told more about himself and received way more personal responses than the first, more formal, person. The experiment proved that sharing some personal information makes others do so in response. And when people start speaking, they are more willing to share more.

Another thing you need to remember to build a good conversation is to keep eye contact, nod and laugh where appropriate. You need to show with all means that you are listening and understanding what the other person is sharing.

TIP #3: Share something personal

— What a weekend! I’ve never been so happy — we had a reunion with my classmates. And how was your day?

— The bus always runs late when you are in a hurry, right? How long have you been waiting?

Comment on something obvious

The first theme that comes to my mind in this context is the weather. However, there are much more topics of this kind.

For example, if you have been waiting in a queue for a long time, you can comment on this and compare your experience today with other occasions you had to wait. If you are at the sports game, point out your favorite player, or remember the previous game you’ve seen and compare it to your experience this time.

Adding some personal information to that conversation starter will kick in the principle we’ve discussed in the previous paragraph, so definitely go for it.

To start the conversation that way, however, you need to be sure that the other person is open to the opportunity. If they are busy with their telephone, book or something else, leave them alone and look for a better opportunity to initiate a chat.

TIP #4: Make an obvious statement

— Oh my god, it’s so cold today! It does not feel like San Francisco at all, does it?

— Wow, I’ve been in this queue for 40 minutes already! The last time I waited so long was in the queue for the new iPad.

Use tag questions

Remember the short questions you add at the end of the sentence? Well, they are great for conversation starters. It is an indirect way to invite another person to join the chat. They go perfectly well with compliments or statements of obvious things.

For example, if you compliment somebody on their athletic body, you can say: “Oh wow, you look so fit! You go to the gym, don’t you?”. When speaking about the weather, you can go with: “It’s so sunny today! It’s probably the hottest day this summer so far, isn’t it?”.

Don’t be afraid of questioning something obvious: people will understand that you are inviting them to chat rather than actually questioning these things.

TIP #5: Use tag questions

It’s so hot today. Great weather for the pool party, isn’t it?

Your nails look so perfect. You go to a salon, don’t you?

Next Steps

I’m sure that you will master small talk in the USA or the UK with these tips. However, if you feel that you need to work more on your language skills and vocabulary, or you want to better understand the culture of English-speaking countries, check out one-on-one consultations with Venya Pak. This individual coaching session will help you better understand your goals and ways to achieve them, get answers to all your questions about the English language or studying abroad. Right now, you can book it with $10 off: use promo code SMALLTALK10 at the checkout to get your discount.

When you’ve nailed your small talk and know how to start a conversation, it’s time to use the power of networking to achieve your personal or professional goals. I’ve already covered tips for successful networking, so check out my article and go for it!