Denmark Has the Least-Spicy Food in the World. Why?

A look into the anything-but-bland origins—and the fiery future—of a famously bland cuisine.

If you grew up as I did — an American Jew with little faith but lots of historically informed anxiety — you have a “When they come for the Jews” plan. Because, well, at some point, they always come for the Jews, and while you might not get to enact your plan (escaping to Israel, say, or arming yourself to go underground) before they come for you, at least you can say you had a plan. In any case, it gives you something to think about between meals. And at mealtimes. And when you lie awake at 2 a.m., unable to sleep, wondering when they’re going to come for you.

Lately, my plan is this: When they come for the Jews, I’m moving to Copenhagen and opening a Sichuan restaurant.

On its face, I know, this sounds ridiculous. But we have good family friends there, and while Denmark has been ambivalent about refugees in recent years, it protected Jews during World War II, so I’m relying on that. Also, I’m halfway decent at Sichuan cooking. My mapo tofu is highly satisfying, I’ve got a secret recipe for water-cooked fish, and a friend of mine recently pronounced my chili oil “fucking delicious.”

And maybe that’s the most ridiculous thing: spicy Sichuan food in Denmark?!? Because while Denmark has, over…