A realistic walk-through of a day with sensory overload.

We’re familiar with the phrase “waking up on the wrong side of the bed.” How about waking up with an uncomfortable body for no discernable reason?

I can understand getting sensory overload after a long demanding day of work, socially demanding situations, chores, responsibilities, or otherwise overstimulating environments. What is harder for me to accept, is that I can just be disregulated on a day that’s fairly normal, predictable and standard. I can use all the coping strategies that I want, but sometimes, for me, the only thing that really helps is time. Waiting for it to pass.

Usually, for me, this means tolerating the discomfort until the next day arrives and my body/mind has had a chance to reset. This is absolutely one of those moments.

Being autistic, it’s not easy to listen to my body’s cues or be aware of them. At the same time, the smaller things, which should be easy to ignore, are glaring and bothersome. I am here to proclaim that it is absolutely possible to be both hypo-sensitive and hyper-sensitive at the same time.

I have not been drinking enough water today and I didn’t realize how dehydrated I was until just now.

My ceiling fan is buzzing. On a good sensory day, it might sound like a low hum that I don’t even pay attention to.

A sweatshirt that I usually wear all the time, is itchy.

My hair is tickling my skin.

I’m feeling bloated.

I did not get enough sleep, my tolerance is much lower than baseline because of it.

Could I be getting sick? I’m feeling increased fatigue, but again, I have no idea if the increased sensory overload is due to my body fighting sickness, or is my body feeling sick from sensory overload. Here’s where the body awareness would come in handy: simply identifying the problem.

I can quite literally cringe thinking about the jeans I wore today. They were bothering me so much, but I was ignoring it. I promise you I won’t be wearing those jeans for a long time. They were so uncomfortable that I feel stressed thinking about them. And then that stupid cardigan, the type where it’s supposed to be cute, and the material is actually really soft, but it doesn’t stay in place so I was constantly adjusting its position. Infuriating — without me knowing at the time. Speaking of adjusting, carrying a purse is really annoying too, posturing my body in weird positions so it doesn’t slide off my shoulder. Ugh.

Full disclosure: These are not the jeans in question. These are much smoother than the torturous denim fabric that was worn today. This is actually a pic taken on a good day, by the ocean.

And this morning of all mornings, I somehow decided that a ponytail was a good idea. I didn’t realize how tight it was until I recently let my hair down.

I did go to dinner with some friends and acquaintances. Let’s just say that one of the acquaintances spoke really loudly and the restaurant was playing crappy music WITH radio commercials.

The lights are way too bright and feel like hot flourescent bulbs on my eyes. As I typed that, I became hyper-aware of my left contact lens. They need to come out. Now. (I typically don’t even notice they’re there)

Please tell me I’m not the only one who can get stressed just thinking about these things even after the stimuli is removed.

This is what it’s like living with sensory sensitivities. My body was working VERY hard to do basic tasks while drowning out the fact that I was (and still am) totally in sensory overload. It is absolutely exhausting. Let’s call it what it is — stress. Stress, energy expenditure, however you want to put it — having to spend a significantly more-than-typical amount of energy just on existing. This is very much a contributing factor to autistic burnout.

So by the end of the day, my partner complained about me leaving too many lights on around the house and I was SERIOUSLY not in the mood at that point. How do you explain to a neurotypical person “Sorry honey, my jeans were too rough today, I literally can’t deal with this right now.” It just doesn’t make sense for them.

My overall emotions right now are definitely not happy. How could they be, when my internal and external environments are just not working together? This is why I was diagnosed bipolar for so many years. It makes a lot of sense why my mood switches according to how comfortable my body is, and sometimes there’s really no rhyme or reason to it.

On a very very bright note, and something which I am grateful for, is that at least now I have words to put to this experience. This is what I go through, and this is why I am the way I am. I’m prone to sensory overload at times. I’m not randomly grumpy or wanting to shut down. It’s a combination of a lot of things that I have endured my entire life, and sometimes there’s good sensory days, and sometimes there’s bad sensory days. With that knowledge, first of all, I don’t place blame on myself. Information was just not being processed in my favor today. It’s just the way it is sometimes. I could wake up tomorrow and feel healthy, happy, and safe in my body. Or I can use strategies to help me feel healthier, happier, and safer. Or, I may have to take it easier, decline plans, reschedule my piano class, and focus on things in my environment that I can control such as low lighting, wearing comfy clothes, listening to soft sounds, and eating safe foods. Now, I can usually accommodate what my varying needs are. As a child, I was just told to suck it up and deal with it. Which, when I have to work or attend a social gathering, I do deal with it. But at the end of the task-filled day such as work, I need much more time to decompress. I didn’t know I needed that before. I have told my friends and family many times that “I’m just all talked out for the day. Love you. Call tomorrow.” And it feels good to say that. Instead of constantly pushing through.

So to you I say, I’m gracefully tapping out for now so I can rest and hopefully be my better self tomorrow. And that is a beautiful process to own.

Thanks for reading as I share my passions of both writing and disability advocacy. If you would like to connect with me, please reach out at dani@neurosparkhealth.com, or visit www.neurosparkhealth.com to schedule a free consultation with me to explore how I could support you through neurodiversity-affirming coaching. I ❤ this community.