11 Dangerous, Yet Heartbreaking Signs of a Manipulative Wife
It is unfortunate that there are men who love their wives dearly, but discover that over time they have become the victims of mind games and emotional abuse. A wife is expected to be loving and supportive in a marriage. However, some women seem determined to make their husbands’ lives miserable. Here are some signs that your wife may be turning into a manipulative shrew.
She always wants to know where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing.
This is a common manipulator’s ploy. Narcissists and other exploiters who need to feel in control of their life will be playing a constant game of “catch up” with you. This is not healthy behaviour. Don’t let anyone make you feel as though you have no right to privacy or time for yourself.
A manipulator keeps you on your toes by constantly changing plans, undermining your opinions and upsetting you with biting criticism or remarks.
Often it will be said in a sweet tone of voice, but the words will be designed to upset you. Using manipulative tactics such as guilt, anger and admiration are common with potential manipulators of either sex.
She takes control of the finances.
This is a classic sign of an abusive personality, especially when she doesn’t trust you with the information. Manipulative partners will often use the excuse that they don’t want you to worry, but in reality, it is about control.
A manipulator will always take the opportunity to put you down. They want to make sure that they are in control of the relationship. Criticism is a powerful way to do that. This may be very subtle, such as telling you that you never take their friends out or that you’re always at work. It’s about finding fault with you and your life because the manipulator lacks the ability to analyze his or her own behaviour.
She ignores your individuality — she doesn’t care about your likes or dislikes.
If you go shopping and you express an opinion about a dress, for example, and she says: “I like it,” it’s not because she does. She wants to make sure that her likes and dislikes outweigh yours in order to have the power in the relationship. When your tastes differ from hers, she always wins by buying something she likes.
If you’re going for a pint after work, she won’t come if she doesn’t feel like it — and she’ll make sure you know that. She wants to be in control of the relationship by driving the decisions and making sure her feelings outweigh yours.
Refuse to be accountable for their actions or choices.
This is a common trait in manipulators.
For example, you won’t want to go out for a meal because it’s expensive and you’re trying to save money for a holiday. Your partner will probably complain that you never do anything fun and then suggest going somewhere cheap which isn’t actually up to your street — but this way she’ll get what she wants, you’ve gone out for a meal and done something, not to her liking.
She will be blaming you for anything that goes wrong in the relationship whilst refusing accountability for her own mistakes or behaviours. She will always want to be the victim.
This is a very powerful tool for manipulators and one of the most difficult things for you to deal with because, as humans, we can’t ignore someone who seems weak and vulnerable. You’ll try and help her out and she’ll use this against you — taking advantage of your generous nature.
She assumes the role of “the mother” in the relationship. You are her child, not her partner.
Manipulators like to be in charge of the relationship, and the best way they can do this is by taking on motherly or fatherly roles. Often they will refer to you as their “little baby” — which is a way of establishing their power over your relationship and making sure that you feel protected at all times.
They belittle your decisions and choices. Mocking you in front of other people is a very powerful tool for manipulators to use against you.
The purpose behind this is not simply to hurt your feelings, but also to make you feel insecure and inferior when in public. This way they can control your behaviour and ensure that you never step out of line or speak up for yourself.
She is always right and spends a lot of time telling you why even when it has nothing to do with the conversation at hand.
An argument can be very uncomfortable for some people and they will avoid confrontation at any cost — but manipulators love confrontation: they like to feel in control and self-righteousness is their best weapon. When you tell her that she’s acting like a child, she’ll become even more defensive and blame you for starting an argument in the first place.
She will belittle your choices and tell you that they’re inappropriate. She’ll comment on the way you dress, what you eat, how you do your hair, how fat you are — anything to make you feel inferior.
Your interests come last on her priority list because she puts her needs first.
If she doesn’t feel like going shopping with you, or having a girl’s night out, or meeting your friends — too bad. She will make you feel guilty if you don’t give in and please her, because to a manipulator your interests will always come last.
She asks for help when she doesn’t actually need it.
She blames other people for her mistakes and refuses to take responsibility for them.
If she’s been late for an appointment, it’s your fault because you didn’t remind her. If something breaks in the house, it’s your fault because you left a light on or a door open.
Everything that goes wrong is someone else’s fault and has nothing to do with her — this way she can appear as the victim and avoid having to apologise for her mistakes.
Your manipulator will probably call you names when she doesn’t get what she wants — or perhaps even when she does. On the one hand, this is a form of emotional abuse. However, it’s also used to make you feel stupid and apologetic for disagreeing with her in the first place. She will also use this when she’s in a bad mood when she feels stressed or tired because it helps her to keep the upper hand in an argument.
She is very “dramatic”. She can’t cope with even mild criticism.
When someone criticises a manipulator, they will become extremely emotional — accusing you of abusing them and making them feel bad. Partly this is a defence mechanism because she tries to deflect responsibility away from herself and partly it’s a way of victimising herself to give her the upper hand in arguments.
She will also use drama as a way of keeping your attention on her — but underneath all that anger lies hurt and insecurity. When she behaves like this she is trying to pull you closer because she feels insecure about your relationship. She also uses it as a form of manipulation — making you feel sorry for her and giving in to what she wants.
She gives subtle hints which seem like jokes at first but are actually derogatory comments about your weight or appearance, for example.
This way she can complain about you behind your back without you knowing. If she senses that you don’t like her comments, she’ll accuse you of being “overly sensitive” and blame the fact that you’re losing weight on your age. She will tell other people what a bad boyfriend/ husband/ friend etc you are so they feel sorry for her and value her.
She records calls and conversations — to use them against you later
If you have a manipulator in your life- expect to have some of your phone conversations recorded. They will use these recordings against you later on if they ever need to justify their poor behaviour towards you — perhaps she’ll accuse you of being a bad husband/boyfriend because it was after a call with her that you got drunk and slept with someone else.
The truth is that manipulators never see themselves as victims — at least not initially. They always think they’re the good ones and you’re the bad guy because if they can convince other people that you’re bad, their behaviour will seem more justified. She’s been taught from a young age that it’s normal and healthy to put her needs first and if you don’t like it, too bad. She will do anything to protect this belief system because she would rather blame you than admit she has a problem.
If you don’t do what she says, she gets angry with you.
She thinks she is always right.
And you’re always wrong — no matter what you say or do, you’ll never be able to defend yourself with words that are good enough because she’s already decided she’s the one who knows best. If you try and prove her wrong, it will lead to an argument where she’ll get angrier and angrier.
Anything that she doesn’t approve of is selfish — if you go out with friends, that’s selfish because your children need their father around the house. If you invite your family round without checking with her first, that’s selfish because now she has to clean up. If you do what she says, that’s selfish because then you’re not giving her the opportunity to be a good mother/wife.
She won’t ask for help in an emergency.
If there’s an emergency situation, your manipulator will prefer to suffer in silence rather than seek your help — even if it means passing on life-threatening information. She will only tell you about the problem when there’s absolutely no way out of it, so she can use your anger as an excuse to complain about how much you are upsetting her.
If she needs your help, she’ll try to make you feel bad about yourself for not offering it first. She will claim that she never asks for anything from you and that’s true — but only because she tries to guilt-trip you into helping her before asking.
She chooses to be around other people who have problems because they need her.
Conclusion:
Manipulators always have a choice. The truth is that they CHOOSE to be around people who have problems because it makes them feel better about themselves — the fact you’re struggling makes her look good.
They don’t feel guilty about it because they believe that you deserve to be treated like that. This is why ignoring the problem won’t make it go away — she will continue to do this until it turns into physical/sexual abuse or ends in divorce because this is how she feels “empowered”.
Although these points may seem obvious to some, I know that it is not easy to go ‘No Contact’ on someone who makes you feel worthless.
If you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, borderline or psychopath then the chances are that you still love them and want them back. If you’re struggling to get over someone you were close to, or if this person recently left you, then this article will help. You don’t have to go through the pain of losing someone you love again.
I wish you success in your relationship.
