I really thought we were beyond this… The Revenant is not very good, certainly not a 9/10.
Leo got his Oscar, we can stop pretending now.
The cinematography is top notch, no debate.
The direction is equally awesome and overcooked, going from jaw dropping to face-palm-inducing on a scene to scene basis. Inarritu’s style is so aggravating! He’s like M. Knight Shyamalan. Every shot has to have his stamp on it. He’s so desperate for attention. Can you imagine watching the film with him next to you? He’d be poking you with his elbow every 5 seconds whispering “Did you see that?” with an egotistical smile on his face. That type of direction is fine for post-modern works. The Revenant is a decidedly classical type of film. They don’t go together.
Then there’s the utter contempt the filmmakers have for history. Hugh Glass didn’t have a son. For some reason, being robbed and left for dead just isn’t a dramatic enough provocation for an epic true revenge story. Fuck you, Hollywood. North Dakota doesn’t have massive granite mountains. Fuck you, Hollywood. The actual story took place at entirely around 3,000 feet above sea level on the high plains. Weird cryptic flashbacks imbue the story with spiritual and mythical qualities. Fuck you, Hollywood.
I want my revenge stories to be about bloody revenge!
Then there’s the fact that Inarritu had no idea how to tell the story itself. Quick question, in the film, how much time elapses?
(Final Jeopardy theme.)
The correct answer is… Nobody fucking knows because Inarritu did a piss poor job showing us. From the looks of it is has to be Fall to Winter, so a few weeks, maybe, a few months. The real story lasted 10 months from bear attack to resolution. That’s what makes it EPIC! Any moron can survive a few months. Now try multiplying that by 5.
Next question… How far did Hugh Glass travel in the film?
(Final Jeopardy theme)
Nobody fucking knows, but it couldn’t be that far since it only lasted a few weeks! In reality, his journey was measured in the HUNDREDS of miles. EPIC as fuck. But Leo’s version basically just took a stroll in the woods.
And about the injuries Hugh Glass sustained… the movie didn’t do them justice. He had broken bones and severe injuries. He set his own leg! He laid down on a maggot filled log in order to get the maggots into his gaping wounds to eat the necrotic flesh so as to avoid infections like gangrene. That bear flat out wrecked him. But in the film, he’s up and walking within days apparently. It’s ridiculous. They fucked it up.
SPOILERS AHEAD-
Now, about those people that die at the end… complete Hollywood bullshit there. Those were real people, and we really know how and when they died. And it wasn’t fucking that! How disrespectful does one need to be to pull that shit? You cant just rewrite history that way. (Apparently you can, but it’s still wrong.)
This film is technically very well made, aside from Inarritu’s directing gimmickry and schtick. But it gets more wrong than right and counts on its audience being too fucking dumb to know the difference.
And the most grievous alteration is changing the end. Glass never got his revenge! He had to accept it and just walk away. In the end, the drive for revenge kept him alive, but he was never able to fulfill it. And it wasn’t because he had a crisis of conscience either, leaving it to someone else to decide. Nope, Fitzgerald joined the army, and as such, Glass couldn’t kill him or else he’d hang.
It’s a terrible way of presenting the story.
4/10 on the strength of the cinematography.
