Behold — a Prince

I am rich: behold.

I am rich beyond measure. I eat three to five meals daily, with snacks and dessert in between on some days when I’m feeling particularly sad or happy. There’s little better than to eat than a moist, plump-pattied pepperjack cheeseburger resplendent with crisp onions, bright red tomatoes, crunchy, tangy dill pickles and a slice of fresh-snapped lettuce, all between two soft sesame-spotted buns. Afterwards, I have money for a rich, succulent frosting-drizzled brownie that is neither too spongy nor fudgy. I’ll wash it down with cold 2% milk or a Coke, depending how I feel and how much I’ve eaten. I could do this everyday if I wanted: the main reason I cannot is because my body would get sick and obese from the overload of fat. Even if I didn’t get fat, my bowels would be empty before my wallet would be.

I pay all of my bills on time — early even in most cases. I make more than the minimum payment on a couple cards. I also able to qualify for those credit cards several years ago and have earned been granted increased credit limits several times and earned a decent amount of credit in the process. This means that if I don’t have the cash on hand for an expensive or emergency purchase, I am still able to get it. I also can buy many superfluous or purely entertaining items like a video game or experiences with this credit. I am not restricted to live within my immediate means: I can borrow from the future. My cards are laden with debt (from having to live off them when I lost my job and was unable to find another due to school), however, using partitions of my paychecks earned from my 8.25 per hour rate as a supervisor at a coffee shop and student loans, they’ll be paid off in roughly a year.

I assume my wealth is already melting your mind and staggering your spirit with envy, but if even a small part of you enjoys the joy of wonderment, you’ll continue to follow me into this El Dorado of earnings.

That preface aside, I feel compelled to warn you that you might be mightily confused about the next piece of information I give you. I own an automobile. What I mean is that in my possession is a car, a 1997 Mazda Protege to be precise, that is fully paid off and I can drive whenever I have money for fuel. And with the job, I can put several gallons of fuel in it a couple times a week. This amount gets me to and from my job, to restaurants and grocery stores when hungry, and even allots me driving for pure leisure.

If you haven’t guessed by now, I am very much a Prince. I live in a palace with a King and Queen and occasionally a Princess when she is not doing her own studying at university. As I type this on my personal computer, I sit atop a leather throne that swivels and sinks to suit my position and posture, looking through a window down at the world.

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