Hiding Chronic Illness from Ourselves

Or, walking out into the light as a spoonie.

Many times those of us who live with chronic illness will hide our pain and struggles from the world. It’s time to stop hiding.

I didn’t last long in my plan because, at the time, there were more bad days than good.

To look at my drafts folder for blog posts is a bit depressing. I didn’t want to write it, so I didn’t want people to read it. I didn’t want to be that depressing chick on the internet.

So I took a break. A very long break. Instead of writing, I spent my time hiding my chronic illness.

I talked to my family and my closest spoonie friends but kept my struggles secret from the rest of the world. I lurked in groups on Facebook and read — but didn’t tweet — on Twitter. With each post and tweet, private message or conversation through tears, I felt loved as others listened to me and shared their struggles.

Then it hit me.

Why We Hide

I stopped blogging because I was embarrassed. I didn’t want to have to explain the details to those who didn’t know that I was sick. I wanted to be like everyone else in cyberspace sharing photos of dinner plates and Pinterest crafts. I didn’t want to be seen as different.