I think I’m trapped up in this VR and could really use a hand.

Nick Matthews
Mar 4, 2017 · 2 min read

Fellas? Y’all still out there?

Look, great piece of tech. Honest. It’s cool shit. But it must be near dawn and I don’t really have the PTO lined up to just ditch a random Monday, so — if you guys can hear me — I would fully dig a helping hand, a response of any kind, or even just a glass of water right now.

Huh? Brett? You there?

OK. Let me just maybe explain to you guys where I am right now and then you guys can just hop on in, rendezvous with me, and we’ll skedaddle. Cool beans? Sweet.

So, pretty much it’s like the moon. Like, I’m on the moon or the surface of another dry, rocky celestial body. That was totally a comet right there. Guys, you seeing this? Whoa. That’s wild, man. This is one heckuva toy. Good buy, Tim. Is this like at Best Buy? Maybe Fry’s? Nice.

But, yeah, uh, tomorrow is our anniversary so, as much as I love hanging with my guys, I gotta jet. You know how it is. Six years — kind of a big one. Anybody else wanna go for a spin on this bad boy?

Oh, crud. I forgot to make the kids’ lunches. Did I? No, yeah, I totally spaced on that. Guys, I gotta split. Scott, you want a turn? I think there’s gonna be some hot aliens like any second now — I feel like that’s up your alley, hoss. Just playin’.

Anyway… Thanks for the test drive, Tim. Fun. Super neat. Ready to hand off pretty much whenever at this point. I’m just gonna stay standing right here and be motionless with my arms kind of right here at my sides and whoever gets to me first can go next. That’s fair, right? Ready… Go!

OK, my bad. Should I count down? Do like a count back? I think maybe I’ll do that. Ready? I’m gonna start. Fellas? 3…2…1… Go!

Was that too fast? Nope. Got it. Noted. Slower count. I’m just gonna count from 15 back to zero. That’s probably enough time for you guys to decide who wants a turn on this really, really slick gadget and let you get in a position where you can then approach me and just, you know, release me or whatever. Right on.

15…14…13…

Nick Matthews

Written by

I write comedy. https://medium.com/@writefunnytoday and https://medium.com/@EagleShield

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade