YAAA Joel! I was searching for topics to add to my reading list and your post title popped up in the suggestions right at the bottom and I saw it just as I clicked through on something else. But it caught me so I went back and found it.
I have been living this distracted life with whatever I could get my hands on. Mostly stuff that appears harmless to the vast majority of people but in reality, no matter what it is, if it’s stopping you from showing up in attendance of you own life, as you say, then it’s something you must confront. When our culture accepts marriages that “work” but that are uninspired, when it’s okay to settle for a partner and job that “pay decent” or are “a good guy” then you’re looked at like you’re crazy when you finally can’t take it anymore. The gnawing emptiness that we’re all trying to avoid by shopping, eating, drinking, sexing, devouring, will always be there until we somehow find the courage to look at it. Our shadows are terrifying and your story is AMAZING. To be able to take just the next baby step, then another, then another, is miraculous in itself. Your absolute courage to open your heart and share this is deeply inspiring and I hope you feel love with every step you take, sober or not. x