Mirror Mirror On The Wall…
Last week my therapist suggested that I cover all the mirrors in my house and stop looking at myself so much. For the most part this has been very helpful. I have been able to mostly keep myself from looking in mirrors and windows. This is positive in the way that I can’t sit and critique myself on every little thing about my body, but is also negative because my mind wants to make me think I am much larger than I am.
I have a dietician, but because of unfortunate financial events I am unable to see her for awhile. I haven’t been following my meal plan very well, and am eating healthy for the most part but still indulging in whatever I want. I feel guilty for this a lot. I have been trying to loose weight the right way for about 2 years now. I am very frustrated because I am the biggest I have ever been in my life and feel like I will never be the way I want to be. It seems like every time I make a small step forward I take 10 giant leaps back. I am lost and frustrated. I have to fight with myself every day to get up and keep trying. I honestly don’t know what to do any more. I feel like trying is pointless because it won’t take me any where. My therapist says that learning to love the body I am in first will help, but it is so hard to love a body that you have hated since you were in 6th grade. She asked me last week what I loved about my body and I could not think of ONE single thing that I even semi approved of.
For now I am grateful for the mirrors being covered, but eventually I will have to face the music…I just hope I have learned to love my body a little more before then.