Childbirth Is Disgusting and Other Truths
Ellie Guzman

I love everything about this. But I’m just as afraid of C-sections as the monster clawing its way out of my vagina alternative. I had a coworker at my previous job who was maybe 5 years older than me, probably about the age I am now. She had one kid at the time. One day at work, me, her, and another female coworker were talking about bathing suits in our little cubicle area. She said she can’t wear a bikini anymore since giving birth. We (being childless) were like, “Whyyyy? You’re so tiny!” (She was cute, petite, and thin as far as anyone could tell looking at her clothed.) She was like, “My belly isn’t the same. Pregnancy totally screwed that up. You don’t even want to know… Just wear a bikini while you still can!” She hesitated, but with some egging-on, we got her to show us.

She stood and quickly lifted her shirt up revealing her belly.

Now, I stand by the fact that she was cute, petite, and thin… but HOLY FUCK THAT’S A LOT OF EXCESS FLABBY SKIN.

Scarred me for life.

I don’t want a baby inside me. Ever.

And I think of her every single time I debate buying a one-piece. Nope. Me and my gut can rock that bikini to honor her bikini-days-that-are-no-more.

(PS - this is definitely the most shallow thing I’ve ever written. Oh well. Probably why I shouldn’t have kids…)

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