I’m 42. White as it gets. Liberal and aggressively open minded. Champion of fairness and human rights. And maybe a total moron.

I’ve grown up in the suburbs. We moved a few times growing up. Always found a nice house in a nice neighborhood and focused on education. We also always ended up in the whitest parts of town. Always seemed coincidental. Shucks.

I’m not saying my parents are racists or even conscious of the crime they’ve just been accused of. My sister and I were well educated and raised in extraordinarily normal neighborhoods by kind people. Racism wasn’t a thing because of simple reasons like it couldn’t really happen. Racism could effect the basketball team. And that was unthinkable. In my hometown, being black doesn’t mean you’ll likely go to jail as much as the NBA. I wish I was exaggerating.

Nobody, that I know of, consciously acts like racists in this scenario. But it leads to good people not knowing how to stand up and help. It leads to people feeling white guilt and empathy for all of this without knowing what to do. It leads to confusion. And silence.

But it doesn’t have to. I don’t know what cops live through either. I don’t know what any if these decisions are like in real time. But I know we can all be kinder and more respectful to one another. Its not hard. Smile. Make eye contact. Help each other. Relieve some pain. Relieve some tension.

If you don’t know what it’s really like, it’s ok. You don’t need to investigate or opine. Shut up. Don’t make things worse. Be kind, helpful, understanding, compassionate, respectful and do something positive. Start there.