Newton’s third law of motion states that “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. But does this law apply to the realm of social interaction? If you call me “dumb ass” will I be immediately compelled to call you a “dip shit”? If so, I would be a basic person. Nobody wants to be a basic person.
No, if you called me a “dumb ass”, maybe I could say, “that explains why I never took a liking to Algebra 2 in high school” or “No, I think have a medium sized butt, now Cardi B, she got dumb ass”. Or if I was on a whole other level of the game, I probably wouldn’t react at all.
I want to get to that “whole other level of the game”. That is the place were true personal power lies. Where you’re so above the pettiness of people and the chaos of a situation, that you are able to remain calm as a pond inside.
What about you? Do you want to know how to get there? Are you ready to cultivate the inner stillness of the 14th Dalai Lama, so that you will become unreactive to the external world?
Well, I can’t promise that I’ll be able to make you into a master Buddhist monk overnight, just by you reading this article. But I do think that if you are able to shift your perspective on how you should or should not react or respond to life, that you will be in a better place when it comes to dealing with people, places, or things that provoke you.
THE WAR OF REALITIES
I will have to admit, that I’m a bit slow concerning some things. It took me the longest time to realize that there is a subtle, covert war of realities going on at all times and in all places.
You may have heard of the realities referred to as “frames” or “narratives”. Each person has at least one, whether they know it or not. Your frame or narrative is your story of who you are.
The more that you know and trust who you are, the stronger your frame. And the less you know and trust who you are, the weaker your frame. So what does this have to do with reaction or non reaction? Well, pretty much, the strength of your frame or narrative will determine your propensity to react in any given particular situation.
Example.
You go into a convenience store to buy a pack of cigarettes. When you go to the register to buy the cigarettes, you notice that the clerk is kneeling down and fiddling with something under the counter. At first, you wait patiently, thinking that the clerk will soon acknowledge you and get down to the business of the transaction.
But instead, for the next 2 minutes, the clerk continues to fiddle around under the counter, even after you know that the clerk knows that you are standing there. When the clerk finally stands up, they don’t even say “sorry, for that, I’ll be with you in a moment”, but then goes on to fiddle with the lottery tickets. At this point what do you do?
It all depends on your frame, you can react like an angry person and say “damn, dude, didn’t you see me standing here for 5 minutes? You act like I’m doing you a favor by coming in here to buy something from you.”
If you react like this, you will have given over your power to the clerk at the register. Basically, by your angry reaction, you are making the clerk into a significant person. You are saying that the respect of the clerk means so much to you, that your day would be thrown off because you don’t have it.
This demonstrates that you are a person with a weak frame. A better way to handle the situation would be to just walk out of the store and go to another one.
DEVELOPING THE POWER OF NON REACTION
So if we can understand that our propensity to react is based on the strength of our frame, then it would behoove us to build a stronger frame if we want to master the art of non reaction.
But this is no simple task. Intellectualizing this idea will not produce the results you desire without taking commensurate action. And the actions that you need to take may be many and an ongoing daily affair.
This is what I mean.
You have to construct a “frame”, “narrative”, or “identity”, that is solid and consistent. You have to do this by reaching into yourself and discovering the preferences you have toward life.
That is, what do you like or don’t like. What are your values? What principles do you operate by? These questions are never answered just once. You must constantly reassess these things for yourself with each new day or situation.
But as you answer these questions, you will become clear on who you are and what you want. i.e.you will discover your natural “frame”.
With your frame intact, you will now have both the armor and ammunition you need to win the war of realities. Now when someone treats you in a way that is not in alignment with your idea of self, you will have less of a need to react.
Why?
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
The only reason that most people react the way they do to an insult or to disrespect, is because they are trying to prove themselves to the offender. But when you know who you are and LIKE who you are, why would you waste energy this way?
Example time
So, lets say that you are at work. You know how get into their little cliches at the workplace. They walk around like small emperors judging, gossiping, and ridiculing people they deem to be low on work hierarchy.
Let’s say that you happen to come into contact with one of these cliches and they make a big show of abruptly walking away from you, as if they are excluding you.
In this type of situation, the average person might feel a slight sense of irritation and maybe question their own sense of “all rightness” for a second.
But if you have done the inner work of constructing your frame, you will look at them like they are crazy or easily brush any feeling of irritation. You will not react, because you will understand that their nothing to react to.
Oh, and just because you have a frame now, it doesn’t mean that you will not have your slip ups and react sometimes. But you will begin to see that these slip ups mean that you need to go back and do some more inner work.
If you don’t know it by now, you’re actually okay as you are. No one can define you unless you allow them to.
Stay up and stay solid
peace
