Friendly advice and reflection?

“You don’t give enough of yourself. You never give one hundred percent into a relationship. Refuse to love enough, no effort. You are too busy worrying about what is happening five years, a years, six months or next month from now. You are never in the moment. There is no romance because you always ruin it. I never feel desired by you because you don’t express yourself sexually in any form. You expect too much from me, without sacrificing as much in return.”

Disengaged. Disillusioned. Disappointing. Dysfunctional. Could I be all of this? Apparently according to recent insights and failed relationships I have come to a realisation that I am.

Should be a simple fix, just try harder. Make an effort. Sadly much to everyone else's dismay, it is not that simple. Completely adjusting the way you view yourself, your emotions, and how you express them is not something you can change overnight. Does it mean I don’t want to be better? No. Trying to explain to someone who wants to love you and be in love with you, that you will most likely fall short of some illusion they see of you that is painful. Because they just think you are trying to be coy, or flirty and bashful. In reality you just socially fail in a relationship.

Oddly enough, I can always be the supportive friend who encourages my friends not to feel down on themselves before letting a relationship evolve and grow. I can’t seem to help myself though. I go into a relationship hopefully, feeling very in love. But somewhere along the way, I fall short. I lose what they liked about me, wherever it was in me.

In any relationship that has happened and ended for me, I was always more hurt that I hurt the other person. I would accept the end way sooner than them. Does that mean I am a heartless horrid person? I hope one day I can figure out my failing point. So that I can finally stop being the failure in a relationship and emotional expression. I want to be able to love deeply, and fearlessly much like all the people I admire.