Rain is pouring down from the cloudy sky outside, creating a symphony of pitter-patter sounds on the roof. The world outside seemed to have been drenched in a melancholic aura. People say rain is a form of love from the sky. It nourishes and provides the Earth below. It turns the hills green and fills the creeks. Some of the water will be plants and some others will be trees.
Just like the rain, what I’ve been feeling lately is unpredictable. Unexpected. At first, it is such a subtle thing. But subtle things can be felt. As a few scattered droplets, barely noticeable, but then it builds and builds until it becomes a downpour that floods everything in its path.
If she was the sky, I don’t love her for her stars that glow so bright. Nor for the sun with its golden sights.
Or for the moon she brings in the night. Because I would still love her even if she shines no light.
I love her for nothing but for the way she simply is, and for the way she is always there.
To some- love is simply some signal in the neurons in our brains and not something they’d really put a hard definition to. It also depends on what kind of love we’re talking about. It can be a loud thing and make you burst out into a grin, yet it can be gentle and soothing, to be shared peacefully and in solitude.
To me- love is feeling really good about myself because I found her, knowing and understanding herself thoroughly, feeling a connection to someone I simply admire, and feeling flattered knowing someone I adore wants and loves me back.
I don’t have to define more what love is, because I don’t really know all the kinds and forms that love can take.
Eventually, you’ll realize that you’re all alone and all you have is yourself. Not alone socially, but alone in the sense that all of the fears, ideas, and thoughts you have in your head can never really be accessed by anyone else. You’re cursed to play narrator and judge everyone else behind the curtain of your own action and behavior. Your words float up and pop like bubbles in the water while you let yourself left to drown.
But then eventually someone comes along and seems to understand what’s underwater, even if the voice is mumbled and the image is refracted at first. You share stories and when she’s able to catch all of those floating words you eventually get to know one another so well that the power of the seemingly impenetrable wall you’ve built starts to fade. Then you stand in awe of the fact she made you feel.
There are new feelings stirring inside of me. The warm feeling knowing she exists and is mine. Feeling of glowing pride at her every success. Feeling of rage at all that would hurt her. The sharp pang of fear at the thought that she might leave one day. These feelings are special and worth holding onto.
Back then, she was just another face in the crowd, someone I passed by without a second thought. Today, she became more than just another person, more than just a passing stranger. For me, she has become someone that could bring a sense of peace, profound. When life becomes too much and the world too loud.
As I sit here, basking in the warmth of these new feelings I realize that she’s become someone special and with every connection we had, it feels like I’ve known her for my entire life. She has brought much more light into my days and so much comfort into my night. I’m grateful for this feeling, but I’m even more grateful for the person who brought it into my life.
