Explaining why Removing the Biology of Gender allows me to be more Productive.
Identity is not a choice but my decision to undergo a Non-Binary Transition was in fact, a choice based on consent. I’m writing this to help you understand why.
This is not easy for me to talk about. This is probably because I think I need to come from two angles. The humble, very down to earth perspective where I talk about my feelings and how if you consider yourself a very open minded and empathetic person…you’re going to tell me something like…”You shouldn’t feel the need to justify your identity and why you’re doing the things you’re doing”. The other angle would have to be the very functional, rational and might I say objective reason why it seemed like the most logical step for me to take.
I’ll start with the more subjective, easy to understand angle. I get this question more than anything. More than the clothing, the taking hormones, the Facebook statuses, or Youtube Videos and it’s this…
Why do you shave your head and eyebrows?
The first time my mother saw me like this, she said…”Why do you want to look like you have cancer?”
Explained to her this, and for everyone that asks.
“I shave my head and eyebrows and all the hair off my body every other day. Doing this allows me to remove what everyday people identity as male or female. Masculine and Feminine. No bushy eye brows like a lumberjack and no thin delicate eyebrows like a french model. I would in fact rather someone think I have cancer than to think I am a boy or a girl. This is not meant to take offense or to exploit those that do chemo therapy, this is for my own survival. In many ways, it protects me. Protects me because people immediately make assumptions in a good way. Mixed and confused reactions…adding, not having hair on my head confuses people of my age. I am able to appear either 16 to 25 to 45 years old. By the amount of time they are asking themselves, WHY DOES THIS PERSON LOOK LIKE THIS? I’ve already passed passed them on the street, they are distracted and I’m already gone.”
This is what I want.
I might be wrong but I think a lot of Transgender people get attacked on the street not nessecarily because they are Transgender but because they do pass as an attractive Cisgender individual and some can feel angry or violent for being misled about their identity.
I’ve come to realize that a lot of people live by this very simple idea that,
Life is about physically attracting others.
I’m not interested in physically attracting others. Okay I did for many many many years. Believe it or not; I’ve been in love, almost got married, almost bought a house with someone. Attracting others has not really been a problem for me because I’m a designer.
Design teaches you that… Creativity can solve almost any problem.
I’m not saying this, the famous advertiser George Lois who did almost all he Esquire Magazine Covers in the 90’s said that.
It’s very easy now to change yourself and make yourself appealing to others. Grow your hair out, change your clothes, change your body, work out, eat less. This is all an act of design. Body Design. Transformation.
I want productivity to be my priority so that I can concentrate on the work I’m suppose to do. The work that needs to exist that is outside of who I am. The work of designing a Youtube video, a clothing accessory, a product for Fleecer or even this Medium article. My mother has always said this about having a career, “I want people to come to you, not for you to go to others”.
I guess my logic now is that by removing what is conventionally attractive in this time period, I am forcing others to see me for my ideas not my appearance.
It’s not easy for you to understand. It’s okay. It’s not entirely easy for me to understand either. As a Queer Mathematician Ludwig Wittgenstein once said..
“I don’t know why we are here but I’m pretty sure it’s not in order to enjoy ourselves”
What do you mean? I can’t enjoy myself?
No this isn’t what I am saying. I would detest that the act of educating yourself taking the information learned and applying the knowledge to help achieve a better understanding of the world, integrating and inventing new innovations to improve other peoples lives…should be MORE enjoyable to you. Sounds boring, I know. Doesn’t sound sexy, as I’ve mentioned in my Youtube videos countless times. Productivity doesn’t have to be boring. This is the second question I get alot and is probably a good segway into my other angle I spoke about. Functionality.
Do you think you’re not human anymore? and I would respond..OF COURSE NOT. Though…I think we need to radically rethink what we consider to be..human. The word itself..I’m sorry is binary. It has MAN, in it. In fact the word WOMAN, has MAN in it. As the twenty first century philosopher Alan Watts would say..
”Language is a bi-product of philosophy”
Bi-product meaning a secondary result. Because we didn’t really have a choice in our evolution developing language. It just happened.
What also just happened is what we consider beautiful. History has a lot to show and explain why we have come to view beauty the way that we do today. In the European times of the Romans, the most ideal social beauties were created by sculptors and artists. Made in white marble, and literally put on a petestal. And for whatever reason we still idolize men and women in this fashion today. With those same ideals…to some degree. As many Europeans had the luxury, time, and resources they were able to reinvent their own culture. It is only within the past hundred years that other cultures have been able to come out poverty and/or industrial revolution to now have the luxury to create and reinvent their own culture, their own history.
What does this have to do with being human? Well I’ve come to see that I used to spend a lot of my life feeling the need to be validated. How do we do this? By attracting others. Attracting others, making ourselves attractive to others in order to feel sexually attractive. This is suppose to be a good thing.
The reason why it developed into a bad thing for me…is because I recognized I was objectifying others and this act of objectifying was starting to effect my everyday life. My body with it’s levels of testosterone (Bloodwork did confirm I had high levels of Testosterone) that I did have, It drove me to act mainly out of the interest of my body not my mind. My actions contradicting my wants. This is not what I wanted to do with my life. Living as a gay cis male for most of my was sexually and emotionally frustrating because we are told that sex and love is the most important. It is neccessary but I came to see that these two simple ideas were driving my life. I completely understand why they call it a “Sex Drive” now.
But I don’t want to have a sex drive anymore. I remember years, I mean years, not months. Years where all I would do is get up, watch Netflix and relationship after relationship became obsessed with who I was going to date next, who was I going to have sex with next. Hours a day on Netflix, Grindr, Tinder, Facebook feeds, and by the end of the day I had no time to do any work.
Juan Enriquez has spoken a lot about rapid brain evolution and how the internet could actually be responsible for autism and not vaccines or any physical reason. He talks about how no one is really taking into account how the information overload we recieve on a daily basis is probably affecting us not just cognitively, but physically. Mentioning how more and more evidence is coming out in favour of Epigenetics.
The average person today takes in the amount of information that Shakespeare did in his entire life time in one day.
Reminding you that I am in no way saying this is fact. All science is theory.
But I do propose the question..Is there a correlation? Is there is a correlation between transgender and transhumanism?
The decision I made to start going on HRT made a lot of sense from a scientific perspective. As being born male, you do still have levels of estrogen in your body. For whatever reason I knew that my testosterone levels were high enough to be affecting my daily life. HRT involves me taking two kinds of drugs. Spironolactone and Estrace.
(Side note: You should know I’ve had a fear of drugs my entire life. I once did marajuanna and called 911 on a sunday afternoon with police and my father arriving at the house)
Spironolactone is an anti-androgen. It blocks the receptors in my body from accepting the testosterone produced from my male sex organs. Your gender is not defined by your sex organs, ones gender is defined by what you identify as, what you consent to. Estrace is estrogen, the female sex hormone.
Something most people don’t know by Spironolactone is used for many things. It’s actually considered a water pill. A diuretic, causing increased passing of urine. Scientists discovered by accident that it also blocks androgens in the body. There is reason why they don’t typically give it to biological males because of it’s feminizing effects. Another thing most people don’t know is that Spironolactone is a drug given to sex offenders in the UK. The United Kingdom. It works very well to decrease or in my case elliminate sex drive.
A conversation I had with a friend last night.
- Chemical castration basically?
- to suppress sex drive, and test.
- And it’s what I want.
- Cognitively and physically.
- Mm. You said in an earlier talk, and briefly alluded to this evening, that you saw your sex drive as limiting you
- And that without it you could be more productive and free your mind
- I am in no way saying.
- Everyone should do this.
- or that my situation is ideal.
- (that would be pretty fatal for the human race)
- Because it isn’t.
- Well I see it as transformative for the human race.
- But I won’t get into that part right now.
- The point I wanted to make was..
- When I think back you and you and others now…
- it’s different.
- I’m not thinking about your body anymore.
- I’m thinking about how you had the courage to tell me I was being insensitive.
- The times you helped me figure out a computer problem.
- *your body sexually I meant*
- I just wanted to tell you that.
- I appreciate that, thank you.
If you think about how humans have just behaved as social beings for most of history, for most of civilization. We have lived to… grow up, work to eat, have a family, and then die.
We do this because as American Architect Richard Buckminster Fuller would put it…”According to Malthusian — Darwinian theory, he must justify his right to exist”
I shouldn’t have to justify the appearance of my body in order for you to be attracted to me.
Furthermore, I shouldn’t have to be limited by my sex drive, my natural instincts, my biology. If I’m able to independently increase my productivity, why not? The combination of estrogen allows me to feel my body better, feel my emotions better, and in fact allow me to control my emotions better if I’m more aware they exist. A common misconception is that estrogen makes you or women more emotional, it doesn’t. Regardless of gender, your mind may experience things that provoke an idea of anger or sadness but how our body reacts to that experience has a variance from person to person. Our minds have the ability to choose how our body reacts. Of course some people are better at it than others.
As my father would say, ‘It’s not that you’re going to be okay, it’s that you’re capable of being okay”.
As much difficulty as I have with the concept of Love especially our scientific understanding of love…love really should be a connection between minds not bodies. I could argue that humans behaviour in courtship practices is not only unproductive for civilation to progress and innovation to happen it’s also within itself primitive, animalistic, and unhuman. We are shaping our faces, covering ourselves with clothing, hair, designing and enjoying ourselves for social reasons. Superficial reasons.
You get up in the morning to look like a human. What people told you a normal human should look like, a normal attractive human should look like. A male should look like and a female should look like this. Clothes should fit a certain way for the gender you were born into. Clothes also have a gender. We create words like male clothing line, female clothing line and really it’s all for the economic purpose of attracting another person with our bodies.
Acting for the best interest of our bodies. Isn’t that in some way primitive and animalistic?
The laziest way to attract another human being. To powder yourself with make up, or a fancy sports car in hopes that someone will find you attractive… so that you can fall in love, or your existance can be validated by another human being.
“You are what you love, not what loves you” — Screenwriter Charlie Kaufman
Don’t get me wrong, sexual freedom, sexual desire, and sexual experience is healthy. I’ve spent my entire life preaching those word. But I like to think life is more than that. Life can be more than enjoying yourself, life can be more than falling in love, life can be designed by you.
Doesn’t technology offer us this freedom now? I don’t have all the answers, in fact many of my answers I can admit are subjective. I don’t think I’m better than you.
You have to know I remain as skeptical as you, but if we remove the biology what are we left with?