Explaining my Thoughts on being ‘Gay’ when I was 15 Years Old.

Sometimes I wonder, why are some people like that? Why humans, people can be mean and some people are just plain thoughtful?

I wonderwhat is actually going on through someone’s head. Then I think to myself and realize, maybe what I think may be the same for others. Friends, there are many types of friends, like the friends whoactually care what’s going on with you and the friends who just sit there and listen. There is a difference. Friends come in different sizes and shapes, some act differently then others.

Why is it that you can get into more giths with a best friend, then just a friend, or how about this..what is a best friend? Can you have more than one? Does it count as a best friend? A friend is someone who is just there when you need someone to talk to, then hoe come some “so called” friends are mean or just don’t care?

How can you tell who your true friends and enemies? Is a friend a person you just hang with when you have no one to hang or talk with? Can your true friends just be your family? Has friends and family become one?

Your best friend? Is it a literate word? So your best friend is someone who you’re “better” friends with? There are very few people in the world who actually think and act and actually care, I think. Because if there was I would know. How about the “bitchy” or the “bullies”? Why must certain firls act with an attitude? Can an enemy be a friend, or is that just lying to yourself? I feel that it’s all about maturity.

The more maturity you have the nicer or less gossipy you are, less mean, emotional, sensitive, critical, and must I say “bitchy”. So I guess if that statement is true, then it would explain ‘my’ friend troubles?

I still don’t understand, how do you know your true friends? You know, some people don’t realize how complicated the subject ‘friends’ can be. I’ve had my share of friends. Especially the fact that I grew str8t to gay.

Now that brings me to my subject “gender” does it matter, really? Guys, girls, str8ts, gay. Four topics, Four discussions. There’s always going to be a difference. See, you could easily put str8t girl/gay guy but how home you can’t put str8t guy and gay girl? That’s like a very little question that not many realize. Str8t girls, there are many many types of girls, there are many many types of girls, from my experience there are. There are ones that bitch and ones who smile and care. But I really don’t understand why the girls always go into there own separate groups? I guess that could be called human nature. They say that girls will always be complicated that is so true. Because they just are they can easily change there mood or personality. Maybe that’s the reason of grouping.

I have friend or people that are from completely different groups. I really don’t fully understand that but as I said it's human nature. For example I have friends that are so called popular and then I have friends from the bottom of the friends chain. That could be said as a bad thing or good thing. I don't know. Yes I am friends with almost everyone but I'm not exactly close enough to everyone to be able to be ‘close’ with them. Well I have a few best friends, so that's OK.

Another human nature fact is that why gay always seem to connect with girls. Well how is it not, two different genders but same interests. But lesbians seem to never hang with str8t guys. I guess it's because of the gender difference. Period. Str8t guys maybe more complicated than I thought. There are different types of str8t guys. The gays and str8ts, duh. But the jocks nerds need I say more? And then there are homophobes.

You and I don't really understand these types of people. Homophobes only think about themselves, they are scared mean men that are uncomfortable with their sexuality. I really don't understand them looking for every opportunity to fight and tease. These are people who gays well should despise. These people can even go to the extreme of killing or beating them up for being gay. This is unthinkable behavior.

Gays on the other hand come in many types. The hunky gays, the girly gays, the mature gays, well no kidding because the gays are people. There are the girly gays who are straight too. But there is evidence why gays act the way they do some say it's the hormones some say it's how you're raised.

My goal is to prove why gays are gay. Lesbians to be honest I have no clue on lesbians all I know is that a lesbian are women who like women. But lesbians go through exactly what gay men go through.

Human nature is all about why and how human act a certain way. A teacher of mine that works as a history teacher came up to me and asked me, he said what are you doing writing? I said I was writing a book and he had continued to say “you're only 15, are you planning to die?” Even though that was an insult we both laughed, that made my day. It's funny that you can say anything it just depends how you say it.

80% of speech is body language but this got me thinking I'm only 15 and I have so much to talk about, see, that how much people don't know me. It's surprising that I basically talk to myself and know when I'm doing something wrong or right. People, people come in tall, short, mean, nice, gay, stra8t, live with it!

It's funny that when someone talks behind your back but I know what it is but that person doesn't know. Especially when that person’s your friend. I would just smile to make he or she think that I know. It's like, “o ya, I know , you keep thinking” lol.

You know I'm going to talk about sex. Here's a question, why do some guys care so much about cock size? I don't really get it. Well I can understand that some guys care for it because of their so-called “manhood” it just really is funny though. Like these guys, str8t guys can go to the extreme and whip it out in front of the other guys just to prove themselves. Like for god sake, we are all men and it doesn't really matter, if we didn't have clothes we have to see each other's in the first place LOL you know, In some way all guys have some type of urge to look at the same sex in their lifetime.

Sexuality should be an open thing, well to an extent. Sex, nowadays everyone talks about sex. I feel younger and younger generations talk about it nowadays. Sometimes I feel that went str8t look at me that they in some type of way question their own sexuality. I always feel that the gay ones are the ones who least expect are. Sometimes I think that gays act the way they do because they are expected to be. Then I think, how could str8t even be attracted to women? I would say to myself, “Boob, ass, pussy, what do str8ts see in that?” Like would you be attracted to something that you are accustomed too? Then I think I would never want to be str8t, like I totally know I'm gay because I am totally attracted to guys. Some girls say that ‘I’m’ str8t because I like kissing guys and there are horny and are so-called turned on by guy friends.

You know I think friends are all about just getting along and having fun.

For example, my friend Tia, I just got to know her this year and she has got to be the funniest and one of my friends where I just got to smile and have fun with we make jokes and stuff and I just love her. lol. We make jokes about me being gay and stuff. It's just wild. And where ever Tia's around there's Yasmin. I've known her for a while but never really knew her till when I came out. I love that girl LOL both of them are like glue and I'm the crazy. It's funny how we people can just get along. LOL I went shopping yesterday with my half emo friend and her other friends including her boyfriend. I felt so out of place and it was a pretty big difference from the people she hung out with and my friends. It's all about getting along, that's friendship.

Life is full of people and it takes a lot of people to create friendship and happiness.