Well, here I am not even half way through my 57th year on earth. I am only 56. Only, you hear, only!
For a while now I've wanted to become gainfully employed. Why? I still have something to offer as I am a Liberal Arts major complete with a 4 year degree.* This fact will be evident from my blog post. I shun drugs (which means I can ace that drug test baby) and smoking when it comes to myself and am only an occasional imbiber of alcohol. I shower everyday and brush my teeth. I comb my hair and present myself as a healthy and normal (define normal please) citizen of my community. I've traveled to far away places and studied abroad. I've raised a bi-racial family. I have remained married for more than 30 years. I go to church. I usually climb into bed about 9:00. What do those characteristics represent? That I am a broad-minded yet devoted person. That I am wise from my travels and years of raising a semi-unique family. Devoted because I am married still to the same man and plan on many more years with this patient dear with whom I spend most of my time.
Now to the hip set these characteristics might mean bboorriinngg. I can hear them now, "Oh puhlease go away cuz I know you just gonna judge. That's what all you old folks do, you just judge and restrict, judge and restrict." The other day my 11 year old granddaughter was reluctant to share with me about her last piano lesson. Finally, she told me that she had told her teacher (after much fear) that she wanted to write her own music and had some ideas. Of course, her teacher obliged. A few seconds went by as I was thinking and my granddaugter blurts out to me: "I know you are just judging me." I didn't tell her what I was really thinking which was, 'what a great thing that was that the teacher valued my granddaughter enough to allow her the room to create and discover in a way that maybe traditional piano lessons have not been conducted'. I only let the cat out of the bag when re-telling this conversation to my husband with my granddaughter present. I don't think it's necessary to defend myself immediately when I am accused of being judgmental. I think it's okay to let the accuser wallow in their puddle of victim-hood until the opportunity presents itself to tell my side of the story. I know who I am and what I'm made of and the need to defend myself against false accusations made by the younger set or by anyone for that matter doesn't sit will with me. Let me assure you though that there are not many accusations against me of blatant judging of anyone.
Now back to this job thing. Yes, I want to be employed. My husband can work anywhere from 40 to 65 hours a week and I am at home. Yes, I can cook, clean, read, write, sew, play with the dogs, care for my grandson, work in the garden, etc. But none of those things pay my $561.00 monthly healthcare premium. I am not even looking for a job that would pay that for me I just want to earn enough to cover that premium, cover the cost of travel to and from said job, cover the cost of a special wardrobe for said job, if required, and have a little left over for dinner out once in awhile.
Surely that $561.00 every month can't be the only reason I want a job. It's not. I feel that i do have something to offer. I am educated. I am not a person that craves drama and derision. I expect quality work out of myself. I am not so old that I can't learn new tricks. I only say that because of the old saying, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." Most of us want to add value to the world rather than suck away the world's precious lode of patience and compassion. That mine shaft can cave in rather quickly I believe when one won't even try.
Patience and compassion are familiar attributes when speaking about the realm of volunteerism. I've done a fair amount of volunteering in my life ranging from my children's school to our local church. I've even spent time at the local fair ringing up sales of tasty cones and frosty shakes sold by the Oregon Dairy Wives. My last two attempts at offering myself as a volunteer have sort of gone splat and squish. My mother died from ovarian cancer a few years ago and had been on hospice. I decided that I would give some time volunteering with hospice in a way that they saw fit as the best way to use me. A couple of emails exchanged with who I thought was an excited and grateful person on the other side of those emails and then absolute silence and unanswered emails. Absolutely baffled, I combed through the emails looking for some clue or evidence that indicated I scared this person so bad she believed I had potential to morph into a eel and slither about the floor spooking those around me. Okay, well that idea of volunteering with hospice sort of poofed out of existence for me. This all left me scratching my head but not my butt because I know better than to do that. Geez!
My latest attempt at offering myself was to coordinate with a .org to send birthday cards to AICs. An AIC is an adult-in-custody. I have a son who is an AIC and can completely relate to the fact that many AIC do not have any outside correspondence with anyone and a birthday card is a welcome acknowledgement of their humanity. The .org accepted my request to spend my own money on stamps and cards but I've yet to receive any names and I was told I would.**
Now I have been quick to look at myself and place the blame on myself and perhaps my self-perspective is off and really I am not who I think I am. But coming back around to the beginning of these attempts I know exactly who I am. I have integrity and had I been those people with whom I exchanged niceties and the offer of a portion of my soul for noble purposes I would have responded and not dropped the ball. That ball went splat and squish and me saying to myself, "Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot?"
A few months ago I had applied for a receptionist position. I've been a receptionist before. The position was advertised for an abnormally long time so I decided to dive in. I checked back in a couple of days after delivery of my application and resume and whatever else this company requested. The position had been filled but the nice lady reassured me that they'd keep my application for the future. I left a little dumbfounded and was thinking that I should have told her: "I don't want your consolation prize" which was; we'll keep your app on file. I should have then said: "my name is ___, locate my documents and shred them because you never even interviewed me."
I decided to apply with a local temp agency. I hear they find jobs for people. I was told that because I didn't have any experience within the last six months I really don't qualify for much. Yes, this is true. I cannot show that I received the most coveted W-2 anytime within the last six months but I have a life time of running a family and a farm. And, yes, at times I have brought home the coveted W-2. I have been self-employed and have filed self-employment tax. I have done volunteer work. I have been employed and received a paycheck. I gave 4 years of my life to care for my ailing mother in law. I have an extremely diverse background. For God's sake our first computer ran on DOS and I took a class on understanding and using DOS. "Ummmm....what's DOS and who exactly are you anyway?" I now use WIndows. Yes, I am in the present. I use a smartphone and can now use Sumsung Pay to pay my bills at places of business that are actually up to date technologically. My children look at me weird for using such technology. They don't. Just who is the backwards one now?
Don't overlook me. You'll want me on your team.
* The writer now realizes that this fact is moot at this point in the game.
** After many months I received names for June and July 2018. I requested names for August 2018 and was told she’d send them but they would no longer be doing this. RMG
