I am sure that there are legions of psychologist, doctors, teachers, motivational speakers and many other intellectual personalities who have spent a lot of time discussing about this topic called ‘Change’. But if actually go to see, each ones view may differ since each ones perspective is developed through each one’s life experience which has been evolved by different factors. May it be big or small but it does have an impact on each ones idea. But what you are going to read in the following paragraphs are some of the experiences which I would like to share. This is what I have learnt in the last two year of junior college.
I opted out of science, even after getting admission in one of the best colleges since I honestly felt that I did not like physics and chemistry. To worsen things up were the IIT-JEE study material which I received from my tutorials. The very sight of it used to make me frustrated. Sometimes, I used to wonder like how did I manage to get a score of 91/100 in science in my boards. But then I realized that I was not the only one. There were many guys who had scored around that much. But seriously, making a decision on that score was pointless for me since I have be studying for science not by applying practical knowledge but by simply mugging up stuff. I would attribute this to my jaundice which I contracted in the beginning of 9th Std. where I missed all my basics in the initial few months. I still remember that I used to write out each chemical equation 10–15 times in order to memorize them. Yes . It did help me score good marks and nothing much in terms of knowledge. After a lot of contemplation and discussion with my parents and with my friends, I managed to get of this stream and decide that I would opt for commerce. But it was not so easy. I had to fight my way out for admission and I got success only after a month of persistence with the help of my Mom who was there by my side, all the time. My Dad was initially averse to this idea, but later he supported for which I will always respect him.
This first time I entered college to attend lectures, my complete vision of what college life was completely distorted. Maybe, I should blame it on the movies. ‘Student of the Year’ had given me a completely wrong impression. By that time, I was a tall hefty guy with a thick moustache. I guess , I was around 15 at that time.
I even remember one of the college guys happened to call me uncle. I was really irritated with that fact. I thought he was trying to mock me, but I could not trace of it in the way he sounded. I guess my appearance, especially my thick dark moustache must have given that impression. I later revisited the same situation when my guitar instructor was surprised to know my actual age after three months during a conversation (Whereas he was 24). In fact, not only he was surprised but the whole batch was and to poke out some humor, one of the other instructors said that he thought that I am a 30 year old married man who is well settled in life who even had a kid.
I was not the only one who opted for commerce from my school. I did have some school friends, but I did not interact much with them since they had their own set of, what I would term as ‘co-ed’ friends. I was kind of upset, since I missed the initial chance of interaction with new guys and especially, girls.
I used to be obsessed with metal music at that time, until I realized that it had some gothic elements. One day I reached early to college. Since nobody was there at that time I thought that I should do something to pass my time. So, I happened to play a song named ‘Toxicity’ by System of A Down. Suddenly one of guys happen to enter the class and told me that do you listen to rock music. I told him yes. To be frank, I thought he is just a guy like me trying to make some new friends. But, I was wrong. After a little talk with him I got to know that he is a drummer and he is giving his Rock School Grades which is an awesome thing. I was really amused with his knowledge on music. I thought that I would be the only guy knowing about metal but here I am with a guy who knows much more than me. Through him I got introduced to one more guy who happens to know much more than us about music. It is an amazing feeling to have someone with the same knowledge and wavelength. I was glad to have these two friends. And this is how the first year of junior college passed away by being with these guys.
But being with these guys also made me frustrated at one point. I had the craving of having some more friends. I felt that I should interact with some cool and more interactive people. But I felt that first I have to change myself. So I happened to lose weight, get a decent hair-cut and all of that grooming. But my moustache was intact. .I did not want to get rid of it since I had a sort of pride attached to it. I gues But later I changed my mind but I did not regret it because I felt much younger. I did not want to compromise with that. But it did not make much of a difference. Instead, I landed up making some acquaintances, which I would term as ‘hi-bye’ friends. I thought that maybe my personality was not too dynamic or maybe I should experiment with my talent. So initially, I happened to change my approach towards stuff and even changed the way I used to talk. I even squinted my eyes just to give a ‘serious -attitude’ look. I started avoiding some of my school friends. But I guess that did not work much. So I decided that I should experiment with the guitar. The guitar is really influential. Not only for the music you can make but even a person who posses it can be a center of attraction. I first learnt this lesson when one of the guys happened to borrow my guitar after school just to impress the girls in the opposite school and to my surprise it did work but I did not want to experiment with it. But this time, I felt that I should give it a try. And guess what!! I was successful. I became a center of attraction in the college. I happened to play for some events and I was happy. I even learnt that if you don’t actually use your talent then there is basically no use of it. Talent should be used to influence and inspire people. But all these changes did have some other effects. I had completely changed. Not that I did not want it, but I was just not being me. I guess this was the wrong source of getting happiness.
It is not that the complete episode of this phase of my life is something that I will regret. I believe that it is the learning process that each one has to undergo continuously. Some changes were good as well some were not satisfactory for me. I believe that change for your well being is good. Don’t change because you want to catch someone’s attention or to escape skeptical views and opinions passed on you. On change if it is for your well being and in this some case consider the advice of your elders. Then things will surely be productive.
And other than the main topic, I have also learnt that friends who accept you the way are your true friends. I truly believe that friendship in itself has a lot of value in life and one should treasure it as a gift given to humanity by God.