A Journey to Loving Yourself

For as long as I can remember, I have been unhappy. Although I can sit here and list off reason upon reason for my unhappiness, and as much as I wish to deny it, it was all caused by myself.

I am a seventeen year old girl in high school going through the usual high school problems. Homework stress, boys, friend drama. All the usual. However, what makes it harder for me is the fact that I have clinical depression. This causes me to take all the daily, normal, negative things that happens in life and blow them way out of proportion. If my friends don’t text me back, they hate me and I’m annoying them. If I get dumped I’m unlovable and I’m going to die alone. If I get anything less than 80% on any piece of schoolwork, I’m stupid and I won’t go anywhere in life. It doesn’t matter how many times myself, or someone else tells me that I’m wrong. My mind is tailored to see the worst of every situation.

But, I don’t want it to be like that anymore.

For too long I have been enslaved by the dark shadow cast over my mind. I have let it control me, and drive my emotions for longer than I care to admit. I am sick of hating myself, I’m sick of doubting myself and feeling like I’m useless. I’m sick of blaming my negativity on other people or on other things that have happened in my life. So I am going to learn how to love myself.

Some people may look at this and laugh. They might ask themselves how somebody could ever possibly dislike who they are as a person. But for somebody with a mental illness, loving yourself is the hardest thing they could possibly do. It is going to be the most difficult task I will ever take on. But I am going to do it. I am going to push my shoulders back and hold my head high, and tell myself positive things every single day.

I encourage all who suffer to go on this journey with me.