Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

One thing I am certain of is I can chose to be right, or I can chose to have you as a friend. After a long talk with myself, I have chosen to be right and here is why.

You’ve been a friend to me for more than half our short lives: from high school to college, law school and latter in life. We have been so close that I consider you a sister. So is the nature of our bond.

But over time, I feel like I have been half a person with you. I deliberately chose to keep a part of myself away from you, partly because I was not comfortable with that part of myself yet. But slowly I grew into myself, accepted myself, and learnt to love me just the way I am. Coming out was one of the most difficult but ultimately liberating experience I have gone through to date. In that time, I have expected or demanded little from you, but never in my wildest dreams did I expect you to make it all about you.

As friends go, the truth is, right now you suck! At no point did you ask: how are you? How have you been holding up? How have you dealt with the death threats, the family drama? Emotionally, how are you doing?

Instead, you chose to tell me how hurt, angry and confused you were. Interestingly, you kept referring to me in the past tense like I was dead. With a nice anecdote of how you are sad your kids will never get to know me. Sigh!

I haven’t changed who I am, friend. I have only told you who I have always been. What you do with that is a reflection of who YOU are, and it has little to do with me.

I should probably say I am fine, that I have missed you, we can work through it, have dinner — this is the Islamic way — but I won’t. One thing coming out has taught me is that I get to write my story and no one else. If and when you stop making my life, my struggles, and sexuality about you, my door is open to start again. Until then, I wish you luck as you narrate the ‘my best friend came out as a lesbian so my life sucks!’ story.