My Annual Autobiography That Should Not Interest Anybody Except My 2017 Self

A year ago, I was wearing the same shirt I am wearing today. I even made a comic about it. The shorts I had on was similar to this. I was also wearing fluffy socks, but today I wasn’t wearing a pair because despite the indecisive rain, it was humid. However, I am pretentious so I wore socks today just for the heck of it. My hair was also significantly shorter 365 days ago. I didn’t get a haircut because a.) I was too lazy, b.) I couldn’t find any center or organisation where I could donate my hair, and c.) Maybe I was too lazy to actually look for the center or the organisation.

Three hundred and sixty-five days passed and I am still standing in the same spot, and still standing by my wardrobe choices. Despite the uncanny similarities, change took place.

I was able to travel to Bicol with college friends that I wasn’t close with before. It was refreshing, I had never laughed as hard. I think it’s also important to note that it was the first time I flew. I really did fly Superman style. Somebody has a video.

I also went back to Cagayan de Oro to reunite with Rainbow sisters for an event called the Grand Assembly. Due to conflict in reservations, we slept at different hotels every night for four days. It was excruciating and frustrating, but through all these, our sisterhood shone through. Moms and sisters left and right were offering their rooms so we could sleep. It was touching to say the least.

I had the opportunity to walk twice inside the halls of La Salle and talk about an app called Tom Taps that tries to help non-verbal kids communicate. Tom Taps’ advocacies reached my audience’s heart and I felt very blessed to see it earn the community’s support.

I was able to lead a team for a year, earn a client’s favour and disappointed another client’s expectations. My career started out on a high note and straight out went kaput during the latter part of the year. It was disconcerting and I badly needed a break.

I learned that I had the capacity to hoard books and I exercised that newfound power to the extent that I was basically spoiling myself, and that I have at least 20 new books untouched. I justified this urge by claiming it as my way of coping with stress. Still, I bought books even if I wasn’t stressed, so that excuse flew out the window.

I was able to reach my 30-book goal set last year and I learned that I should never do that again. I also found out that I can read ten books in a month because I had to catch up with that thoughtless goal. If I were to die, I’d like to see that on my tombstone: “Xerez Hernandez, A Good Daughter and A Person Who Can Also Read 10 Relatively Short Books in the Span of One Month”

I learned that I like wearing skirts and skirts love my tummy like a good boyfriend. Skirts give my tummy great breathing space.

I joined two fandoms. For the first half, I was invested in Olicity where I wrote three fan fictions, drew an innumerable amount of fan art and bathed in the infinite scroll of Tumblr. Yes, I was inspired. I was so inspired I looked for a beta reader, found a beta reader, made friends with said beta reader and lost said beta reader because I was losing interest in continuing my last work.

For the second half, I accidentally clicked on an article about AlDub and how I saw a convincingly smitten Alden seeing Maine for the second time. Suffice to say, that got me hooked. I accidentally treated 11 of my family members to its biggest event called “Tamang Panahon”, and I currently have 4,000 tweets about the couple in question. They tickle my funny bone up to this day, and that is a Xerez Fandom Record.

I also discovered the power of credit cards and am now suffering the utilisation of the aforementioned power. I’m not drowning in debt, but the thought of having debt is distracting.

I don’t have savings. Oh, that stayed the same. Didn’t help my point and didn’t lift my spirits in this already depressing reflection.

I felt very loved. My friends and colleagues gave me surprise parties for my birthday. This further cemented my confusion on why some people hate surprises. Maybe they’re loved too much. On our fourth anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with the most romantic and touching letter that put Shakespear to shame. I almost cried at the restaurant when I read the letter, but I kept it together. I think.

I don’t have friends. I wasn’t able to keep constant contact with high school and college friends. I am friends with my current friends (housemates and colleagues and a couple of college friends), but I recently concluded (2 minutes ago) that I can’t maintain friendships. I’ve referred so many people as my best friends then and I don’t even know where in the world they are now. I am at fault maybe because I haven’t tried contacting them, but the cherry on top of this cruelty is that no one tried to get in touch either. I’ve narrowed the explanation of this phenomenon into two:

- I befriended the busiest people in the world.

- I happen to be a very sucky friend that no one wants to talk to and be with and hang out with just because. (Although to be fair, I really don’t like hanging out either unless it involves not taking a bath or leaving the house).

The gist is I feel fucking lonely.

I learned that our family comprised of Nanay, Hiram and I can take over the world. Or just San Gregorio. The fact that we haven’t been with Tatay for the fifth year in a row is driving us all nuts. We are each other’s support system and each other’s best friends. I couldn’t ask for more when it comes to those two. I love my family.

I also learned that I like children. I like them the most when they are not related to me. When they do not have anything to do with me. When they are at least 5 feet away from me. I also like them when they like me because they probably think I’m awesome. I hate kids who don’t like me. I also hate Filipino children who cannot carry a Filipino conversation. It makes me hate their parents even more. This 2015, I learned that this hatred also applies to family members. No, I’m not sorry. Tell your kids how the people of the same complexion and nose and height talk.

There also had been too many occasions where I didn’t eat on time. Like today. My stomach melted in acid and I am now bloated with consequences (pun unintended, I’m so sorry). I also found out that when the clock strikes 12, a howl from my stomach is imminent. I ate midnight snacks without mercy.

I also met celebrities and I happen to like meeting celebrities. I met Lea Salonga and desperately wanted to poke her. I watched Up Dharma Down perform and I basked in the light of Armi’s voice and I seriously thought that must be how it would feel if you went and followed the light. I also paid my remaining salary to take a picture with Arrow’s Colton Haynes and I was able to strike an ingenius small talk with him that I think should be included in my future memoir (Take note, 2017 self). He was so flawless it looked like someone photoshopped him in the photo.

I played board games with friends. I wanted to feel like a geek so I think that deserved mentioning.

I hosted the 10th anniversary of my college organisation, YSES. I feel like I rocked that hosting. Okay, so maybe I ‘rocked’ it because the committee already prepared the script and it was wonderful. They also awarded me as The Decade’s Ms. Congeniality. At least all those years that I tried being agreeable because I hated to engage with conflict paid off. Seriously though, my fellow members aren’t so hard to befriend, I don’t know why there aren’t 50 congeniality-related awards that night.

I discovered yoga and enjoyed it. Although I wish I enjoyed it more often.

I gained weight. I find my extremely round face a bit shocking everytime I see it on screen. However, when I look at the mirror, I really have no problem with how I look.

I realised that there are too many people in this world who consider doing charity work because it makes them feel better about themselves. Aside from totally destroying the intention of doing charity work, this evolution from phoney to douchebag puts the Charmander — Charmeleon — Charizard evolution to shame.

On that note, I learned that 500 pesos could go such a long way to buying Filipino Children’s books and donate them to schools. You would be able to help not only the Filipino Publishing industry but you’d also be able to reach out to kids. I’m a firm believer that in every person’s life, there will be a book that can touch him and affect change in him.

I watched two movies that made me cry: Inside Out and Heneral Luna. Dammit, Bing Bong.

I also want to forge my brain with the memory of feeling very thankful because I am working with professional and respectable colleagues. I want to know how they manage being so cool and being so professional at the same time. It feels so unfair yet so inspiring. I’m looking at you, UX Team, Mobile Team and Board Game Team.

Last 2015, I also decided that I will make the decision of studying again this 2016. Curse you, 2015 self and your rash decisions.

I watched South Border and I only knew one band member but I knew all the songs in all of their sets. Thank you, BFF Club for not abandoning me in the middle of my extreme giddiness.

I accepted that I’m relatively old. People couldn’t stop referring me as “Mom” in each and every Rainbow event.

Graphika Manila made me feel like shit. Nobody should be that talented and be rich and be beautiful simultaneously. I could only manage being beautiful because I’m too lazy to be talented.

Speaking of beautiful, I had my eyebrows threaded and walked around the mall with my crimson forehead and teary eyes. I never did it again.

I ended my year with my family and started a new one with my family. As usual, it was a blast. I intend to do this during my entire lifetime. I love you, Popan Family.

So yes, that was 2015, my beautiful 2016 self. 2015 was a full year, and I’m glad I survived it all. I love my life but as always, there will always be that lingering feeling where I wish I could’ve done things in a different way, or I could’ve done more, but 2015 went bye-bye 3 days ago. I have a gut feeling that you’re cramming your New Year’s Resolution with all the things we weren’t able to do this year and trying to recollect every event that whizzed by. Go ahead and try — as soon as you get up from that bed — ; I know we can achieve a lot. I have so much hope for this year, and I couldn’t wait to see where it takes me or where I take it.

I just decided (2 minutes ago) that I’ll take on life by the horns.

I couldn’t wait to see if I’ll be defending this t-shirt come 2017.