The legend of Adi Lima & Lasa Tuba
Adi Lima was thinking about Lasa Tuba again. Lasa was a romantic lover with shiny legs and fat bum cheeks.
Adi walked over to the window and reflected on his warm surroundings. He had always loved tropical Vavau with its thundering, tall taros. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel horny most of the time.
Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the godly figure of a beautiful princess named Lasa Tuba.
Adi gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a witty, sarcastic, kava drinker with a deceiving smile. His friends saw him as a snotty, hoodwink slut. Once, he had even pierced back together his tiny kulina after circumcision.
But not even a stupid person who had once stitched back his kulina, was prepared for what Lasa had in store today.
The sun shone like dancing horses, making Adi anxious. Adi grabbed the wet baby oil that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it on his belly button.
As Adi stepped outside and Lasa came closer, he could see the squealing glint in her eye.
Lasa gazed with the affection of 9740 weird mouldy monkeys. She said, in hushed tones, “I love you and I want to veicai.”
Adi looked back, even more anxious and still fingering the wet baby oil on his belly button. “Lasa, I am transgender,” he replied.
They looked at each other with shock and grumpy feelings, like two deafening mental patients from St Giles at a very hungry party ; which had sigidrigi music playing in the background and two brave uncles moving to the beat.
Adi studied Lasa’s shiny legs and fragile bum cheeks. Eventually, he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” began Adi in apologetic tones, “but I don’t feel the same way, and I never will. I just don’t love you Lasa. But…. you can try my cousin Simi next door”
Lasa looked hurt and deceived, her emotions raw like a newborn calf.
Adi could actually hear Lasa’s emotions shatter into 786 pieces. Then the friendly lover hurried away into the distance.
Not even a drink of kava would calm Adi’s nerves tonight; when Simi comes to force him at night.
THE END