Was Minutes To Midnight a Suicide Note?

Martin McCarthy
Jul 21, 2017 · 4 min read

I, like you and many others, was hit quite heavily by the news of Chester Beddington’s recent suicide. It calls to mind all the other talents we’ve lost recently. More so the topic of depression has been ever present. It begs the question, what more could we have done? Weren’t there any signs? Some sort of implication that could have helped us avoid such a tragedy? Well yeah, the signs are definitely there, but I;m not sure there was something we could have done, but we can definely try. So I ask you, was Minutes to Midnight a suicide note?

I can remember vividly lying on my bedroom floor. My head facing my five-disk CD player (it could play cassettes too, I know, be jealous). It was around 2001 and Hybrid Theory was a constant in my Sony CD carousel. It was the first time I’d ever heard lyrics like that. And it gave me a reason to scream “SHUT UP” over and over again with my friends. Needless to say, I was a fan. I parked myself in the music section of whatever department store my mom dragged me to, and played LP’s Reanimation album over and over again, patiently awaiting their next album, and then it came. Meteora was released in 2003.

Meteora is my favorite LP album. I would often mute the sound effects of whatever game I was playing on my PS2 (probably Ratchet & Clank) so I could better absorb the lyrics of my favorite band, but something had changed. I wasn’t just drawn to the overdriven guitar and screaming lyrics. I was connecting to those lyrics. Lying From You was the first time someone, or something, had accurately described my emotions. Feeling the same way I felt. I think it was easy to chalk it up to just being a angsty teenager. Whatever it was, for four years it was our anthem. Until Minutes to Midnight was released in 2007.

Minutes to Midnight was a very different album. For starters in was much heavier instrumentally. I think it had to be, it had to match the tone and seriousness of it’s lyrics, which also became much heavier.

“Wake in a sweat again
Another day’s been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I’ll never leave this place
There’s no escape
I’m my own worst enemy

I’ve given up
I’m sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I’m suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!

I don’t know what to take
Thought I was focused, but I’m scared
I’m not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow, somewhere
And no one cares
I’m my own worst enemy

I’ve given up
I’m sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I’m suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!

God!

Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my…
Put me out of my fucking misery!

I’ve given up
I’m sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I’m suffocating!
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!”

This is their first song on the album after the instrumental “wake”. The writings of man suffering from a deep depression couldn’t be more apparent, and it’s not just the one song that has these apparent suicide tones, Its the whole album! Listening to it now, after recent events, makes it so… erie. To think, millions of us have heard this song, did no one stop to think that maybe this wasn’t a metaphor? So caught up in how the song made us feel that we never took the time to look at where this was coming from. I’m ashamed.

It’s hard to think that he’d been fighting these demons for over 10 years. Even harder the know that they beat him. Which calls to question, did he take the cowardly way out? The internet is riddled with the subject of depression. Some treating it as something as common as the flu or a broken bone, others who refuse to recognize as an ailment at all. Something to just “get over”. A sickness of the mind that you can cure simply just by willing it away, but I ask you, can you will yourself to no longer have a broken arm? Or is this something that requires serious medical attention? My guess would be the latter.

I think we as a nation, as a species, need to get a better handle on what mental illness is, but in the interim let me tell you what it’s not. It is not weakness. It is not uncommon, you are not the only one. It doesn’t discriminate, and it is not to be taken lightly. It’s normal to feel isolated, to feel like no one cares, like no one is listening. Depression requires you to feel like you’re the only one, like you’re hopeless. That even when you’re screaming it in front of a million fans, that they still can’t hear you. And while we continue to shame suicide in our culture, please understand something. The sentiment is nice, to say that the dead are weak and that the living are strong. That you’ve won just by waking up this morning, but be careful not to undermine your statements. Make sure you shine light on the truth. The truth being, that there is another way. And that life is worth living.

)
Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade