to the guy that had me fooled

To the boy who liked who I am, but loved who “I had the potential to be”,

That first night that I ran into you, you told me you planted the seed. Little did I know where we would end up 6 months later. I had been out dancing with my friends and had no interest in meeting anyone that night, and then you came along.

It started with dancing; then we made the deal that if you sang to me, I’d kiss you. You kept luring me to go home with you that night to watch Suits, but to this day… we have yet to watch an episode together. Day after day, we kept finding reasons to see each other- to stay up late and talk about anything and everything. Whether it was a long walk on the beach, a fishbowl margarita (or two), a night in crying to The Notebook, I can truly say every moment I’ve spent with you was worth it.

When everything was falling apart, you reassured me that things would always turn out okay and you would always be by my side. Little did I know… you were doing this with me and x amount of other girls. It seemed as though every time I realized this and tried to cut you out, you’d do what you always have and promise me what I wanted to hear.

To my friends who warned me from the beginning- you were right. To the other girls who fell for the same games, I feel for you, I really do. It’s nice having someone call throughout the day and ask how you’re doing and call you “sweet cheeks” or whatever other names he called you.

When you came to visit 1400 miles away, I really thought things had changed for us. We spent four days together exploring an incredible city, eating delicious food, and for those few days it felt like it was you and me against the world.

Every time I poured my heart out to you and told you how much you meant to me, how much I’ve invested in you, you would just nod your head and apologize. A few days would go by and it was if nothing changed. We’d go out for dinner, work on some homework, and cuddle before bed; all while you were still talking x amount of girls, again. The worst part is, we did this every single night that I wasn’t back home with my family… so when did you have time for them?

Remember the first time you told me you loved me? I do. The way you picked me up after spending the day together at Art Basel and stared into my eyes and told me you loved me. How about all of those nights over winter break when we’d facetime for hours and you’d say “I love you and miss you” and “You got me, I’m so in love with you.” Were you lying to yourself or to me?

Too bad for me that I didn’t completely cut you off earlier and had to go through this cycle nearly 10 times. I couldn’t be any happier that I finally did. After a weekend without you, I know I have the greatest group of friends that will be there for me when you won’t. It was like an overnight realization, and now I look at you and your scheming in disgust.

I really hope you find whatever it is that you’re looking for. It’s a shame you haven’t found it in the last 10 girls you’ve been with over the last few months. I hope the next girl you’re with pretends to be interested in cars to enjoy the auto show with you. I hope she cooks dinner for herself and again for you when you get out of class. I hope the next girl picks up your dry cleaning and spoils you rotten. I hope you see me in her and realize what you could’ve had.

“I might not be everything you ever wanted, but I’ll always be more than you deserve.”

xox-

just another girl from your past

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