The Feels On The Bus Go Round And Round

Yesterday my sixteen year old son was at Starbucks getting a frappuccino when an older lady asked him if he could spare seventy-five cents. The only money my son had in his wallet was a twenty which he would have to use for travelling next week. He told the lady no. On the way home, my son said to me that he felt bad because he did have money but he couldn’t help her. He asked me if what he was feeling was normal. I told my son that it was perfectly normal to feel bad for not being able to help and that I would be more concerned if he didn’t feel anything at all about not being able to help the lady.

My boyfriend likes to refer to us as the characters of Heart and Brain from the comic The Awkward Yeti by Nick Seluk. I can’t speak for him but I can completely identify with Heart with his big Batman adventures at the grocery store or trying to convince Brain to take the day off work even though the work day has just begun. To me, life is a big sandbox. I get to play and shape each day with the help of others. My boyfriend, being the logically inclined, has to rein in the dreamer that I am. Everyday is something new to discover or develop and I want to share it with everyone.

The Divine speaks to us through our emotions. As an empath, I know this all too well. What does being an empath mean to me? Being an empath means that I pick up on the mental and emotional energies of the people around me. Being an empath means experiencing life through the emotions of others as well as my own. Feelings and emotions are my native tongue. I am easily overwhelmed by emotional energy and have had to learn to limit my encounters with certain people. I actively seek solitude as a way to process the emotional landscape I am presented with. I've always needed a safe space to express what is inside so I can understand it myself.

When I was healing from depression, my therapist mentioned that I was very good at hiding my feelings. What I didn't know when I was twenty-four and suicidal was that I was okay. It was okay to feel what I was feeling. It was okay to say that I wasn't okay. I didn't need to justify the emotions. I was having normal reactions to some abnormal events. It was even okay to feel suicidal as long as I didn't act on those feelings. Because of the depression that I have faced, I learned that feelings and emotions are guideposts within our lives. They propel you into who you need to become. The trick is you have to be willing to listen to them and understand the changes that need to occur.

The past ten years has been a path of discovery in understanding my own emotional landscape. When an emotion is present within me, whether it is loving or hurtful, it is trying to tell me something about who I am and where I need to go. Like a three year old child, it only wants to be acknowledged and understood.

Treat yourself well. You deserve it for all you've been through in your years. Eat the cake and take the day off. Heart would agree.

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