What She Saw…

There I was going through my closet. Nothing was working out. So what did I do? I decided to go shopping. Not for anything major. No haul or anything. Just wanted some new jeans that would fit. I started trying things on. The number printed on the back of those jeans kept rising. “What. The. Hell??!!” I was standing there in amazement. Or maybe it was shock. I mean, I knew I had gained some weight, but damn!

After that moment in the fitting room, I became a little self-conscious. I won’t even front about that. “Please Lord, don’t let these people want to take any pictures today!”. That’s all I could think about on my way to a get-together. “Girl, you need to take a couple selfies. This light is hitting you right!” TUH! Me? Take a selfie? Chile, please. That’s how uncomfortable and self-conscious I became about my weight. I didn’t want any evidence of this round(er) face. Out here trying to wear things to cover up this belly that’s noticeable and trying to hide these thighs and this booty that’s ready to pop out at any second. A selfie? No ma’am.

But through all of that and through me fussin’ at myself for gaining the weight, one day when I looked in the mirror what I saw was one of the dopest women I’d ever met. Yes, I gained weight. It happens. Yes, I want to be healthy and well and fit and I’ll get there. Trust! But, that day, I had to remind myself that the weight gain didn’t change the person I was on the inside. I looked around and saw how people still wanted to be around me. They still enjoyed my company. I mean, it seemed like they would literally single me out to come and have a conversation. Clearly, nobody was freaking out about my body. Because girl, that didn’t matter.

What mattered was that they saw right past the physical. What they saw, was one dope soul.

Written for the #30layers30days writing challenge. Check out GG Renee and her site www.allthemanylayers.com for more info.