The question.

So, are you seeing anyone?

When people pose this question, I know they’re coming from a good place. They want to know how your love life is doing because they sort of care about your wellbeing, and that’s great…but I hate it. My issue with the question is the message that it sends. It sort of reinforces the idea that you aren’t a complete person until you’ve met someone that you could see yourself spending “forever” with. It implies that all of the other beautiful things in your life are great, but that they’d be better if you were in a relationship. Old friends and relatives like to treat me and my other single friends as if we’re somehow broken. That is something that I find so upsetting, and it needs to change.

I’m single. And I don’t think it’s because I’m broken. It’s because I really don’t think about relationships that often. When I’m meeting someone for the first time and I sense a connection, my first thought is, “here’s someone who seems pretty cool and for some reason they’ve decided to continue talking to me…let’s get to know them better” — and that’s usually where it ends. Even if some level of physical attraction exists, I don’t pay much attention to it. It isn’t important to me. Those kinds of emotions would just get in the way of me getting to know someone who I might be able to make a real connection with. I don’t go out into the world hoping that I’ll find that special someone. What I long for is finding that special something in everyone that I meet that allows me to see the beauty that they bring into the world and the lives of others.

So, the next time someone asks if I’m seeing anyone…I’ll say “yes.” And then I’ll proceed to tell them about all of the incredible friends in my life who fulfill me every single day. I’ll tell them about all of the interesting people who I’ve met since I moved to Kansas City two weeks ago. I’ll share stories about the artists, poets, techies, musicians, entrepreneurs, and free spirits that I’ve come across and how they’ve inspired me. I’ll explain to them that after years of trying to capture this “idea” of love…I’ve finally opened up my heart and mind in a way that allows me to love others without any agenda. Each day, I fall more in love with the world and all of its people. And this love that I’ve unlocked is just as meaningful as the love that you might find present in a romantic relationship. So while I’m single, my heart is full. I am happy. I am complete. And I hope that you are too.