“But Also a Happiness of New Beginnings”: Dartmouth Class of 2020 in Their Own Unfiltered First-Year Thoughts
The second is “the ceremony…,” the third is “the day…,” but the first dictionary definition of commencement is “an act or instance of commencing” — a start of a new beginning. One bright September morning in 2016 marked such a start for sixteen Dartmouth students — their first Writing course in their first year at the College. Also my first time teaching that particular course (many thanks to my students for all they taught me!).
The first assignment: to complete several freewrites— uninterrupted stream-of-consciousness pages to open up the mind and help generate ideas for a later structured narrative. Freewriting is meant to be unfiltered and can be helpful, fun, cathartic, but also challenging as it breathes best with darkened screens — or on a handwritten page — and with a lack of concern for coherence, spelling, or grammar. Letting go of the impulse to self-edit is often difficult but worthwhile to try for anyone wanting to discover their own voice and their own thoughts.
Sunday, June 14 marks another commencement for the Dartmouth Class of 2020 — the start of a new beginning, the ceremony, and the day. Unlike the idyllic setup in the photo above, this time there are no chairs out on the Green. But losing the possibility of physical embrace does not mean that we cannot embrace the meaning of this special occasion, particularly as it occurs at a time when we cannot celebrate the state of the world around us. Happier beginnings are desperately needed. I wish that this one manifests in such a way.
To help celebrate the graduating class, I decided to collage some of the thoughts and observations on their minds that first week in College. I hope you allow these words to give you pause, make you think, make you feel.
Good writing ignores nothing human, and the lines below are all the more human in that none were crafted to represent “good writing” but are organic and raw. All are direct quotes from student freewrites completed between September 14–19, 2016. There is no particular order. I fixed typos and added bold emphases. The quotes are anonymized because they represent private thoughts originally meant to be read only by me. I obtained students’ permission to include their work in this collage.
I present the quotes with no commentary. Each reader will find ones that resonate. This collage is a tribute to the incredible promise and potential of this unique graduating class.
Congratulations to the Dartmouth College Class of 2020!
Should there be a feeling of happiness of a new future or a sadness because of the everything ending. I don’t know if my cup is half empty or half full. I just need a refill. My favorite drink is lemonade. It’s so timeless.
Now that I look on it, there’s a little Dartmouth logo on my ID card. I’ll probably look up the logo to see what it means after this. 1769 was so long ago. The first day I got here from trips, I went down to Dartmouth Hall and explored it. Apparently that’s “Old Dartmouth.” I wonder if they ever thought a person like me would end up here.
Just look up at the night sky and stare at how beautiful everything is. Physics is just how the world works. And, I want to spend my life studying something that I actually enjoy. Anyways, how cool are balls rolling down hills?
I want to live a true life. To be really happy. To really be sad, when I should be. Even to be bored. But not to constantly look at a little device.
I did not use facebook since 9th grade. Then I got accepted to Dartmouth! So I started using it again. I am still a bit salty because my parents didn’t know Dartmouth so they made me apply to MIT early decision. They did not know, however, that I applied to Dartmouth ed. That was one of the best decisions of my life because had I not applied here, I’d end up at MIT, and my friend there (who is a sophomore now) is miserable. She wanted to transfer but her parents didn’t allow it. So yeah, I’m here at Dartmouth, enjoying the beauty of this library.
And always beginnings suck. But I assume even if it doesn’t work out, in some sense I will feel more comfortable. But perhaps on some level it will also be worse because there is a sort of finality in the not working out after some amount of time.
But also a happiness of new beginnings.
I feel like I’ve written an entire page on a 5 word status update that was “Dartmouth College Class of 2020!!” I mean like how much more can I say about 5 words? 637 words drawn from a 5 word statement is pretty good I think.
The day that status was posted was honestly one of the best days of my life, like I’ve said before not only because I was accepted to my dream college and saw an incredibly bright future in front of me but also because I saw the responses my friends had and every single one of them was so supportive both in comments, pictures on other social media sites, texts, calls, baking cupcakes etc.
I totally lean on a close group of people who are so important to me but I don’t have any of those here — not to say I haven’t made friends but I don’t yet have anyone who knows me deeply, who I could tell anything to, who has seen me cry or who even knows my middle name.
She texted me the other day when you get a real friend group at Dartmouth that’s when I’ll come visit you. I also tried to facetime her the other day and she answered in the shower which was true dedication. I was like why did you answer in the shower and she was like well you called instead of texted so I figured it was pretty important.
This post was made during the twilight ceremony. I made this post primarily to send to my parents and let them know of the cool traditions that Dartmouth had. I took this on snapchat. Another reason I made it was to kind of reassure my parents and let them know that I had friends (yay!) and that things were ok. I also wanted to show them that I was wearing the Dartmouth sweater that they recently bought for me. I wanted to commemorate this moment because it is kind of a cool tradition that Dartmouth has even though it is cult-like and a bit weird to outsiders.
You can still see the text boxes and the geofilters. I think I was trying to impress my followers, who are mostly my friends, that Dartmouth is a “hellah cool place.”
My sister, a New York fan, and thus a self-announced Columbia enthusiast has now changed her dream school to Dartmouth. While I am very happy with that decision, I still want her to research every college and find the best fit for her, like I did. İ honestly have spent the happiest couple of weeks of my life here. İ want her to have the same feelings, and even though I hope that she also comes to Dartmouth, she should choose a place where she can be happy. That being said, I think that she would belong here, to this paradise in the woods.
I go here to study. But there are endless possibilities. Meeting new people, discussing the work we have rather than doing it.
I feel akin to one of those puzzle pieces that’s accidentally an extra to the whole puzzle. They don’t really fit with any of the other pieces, so they’re cast aside until the puzzle is finished. It’s possible that the piece may fit somewhere else, probably in a different puzzle, but it’s nearly impossible to find which puzzle it might have come from; did it even come from another puzzle at all?
One of the longest quests in my life is my search for a kindred spirit.
In a way, although we only kissed one time, I feel like we were meant to be together, and that we will one day be together again. I can also sense that she feels the same way to a certain extend. At some point in high school I remember her saying that she has always had a soft spot for me, and I can almost be certain that the spot is still soft. It is a little bit unruly for me to be writing about this because I “have a girlfriend” right now. Well I did about two hours ago anyway, we decided to take a break, which I can see as being very good for me.
I’ve cried very few times in my life, many of which are under emotionally stressful situations. Today was one of those days.
Just before I came to Dartmouth, I gave my cat a bath. She hates baths, but recently she got into the habit of sticking her paw in the water bowl and flicking water everywhere. I think she might have been mad at me when I left because she didn’t even look at me when I went out the door. It made me really sad.
Elbow mentions the crashing silences in a Beethoven piece. This reminds me of something my friend told me about, he’s a jazz musician. He told me about a John Cage composition called 4’33”, in which there is complete silence through the course of those four minutes and 33 seconds. I wonder about this. Feeling the power of something by its absence.
I think that technology has pads around me that have sheltered me from being lonely but I want to feel real loneliness. I want to feel it once and never again. But I think it’s very valuable to feel once.
My energy comes from being alone which makes me introverted. I don’t need to constantly socialize and I can’t imagine having to do that, it would be draining no matter what in my opinion: either you are drained because you don’t have people to socialize with or you are drained from the exhausting process of constantly seeking people out with whom to socialize with I can’t do that, I am not like that but I’m very happy being this way.
I love to hike, I love to just be out, alone, in the woods sitting on a mossy rock or a log and listening to quiet sounds.
I love my Miami, it’s fun and loud and close.
Like right now I miss coconut trees, and yesterday I realized that I would have to pay for coconut water and not just be able to open a coconut from my yard. It’s a change of temperature I suppose. I guess you never appreciate your origins until you’re pulled away from it.
I think this camp also helped me learn why I want to go into a health profession and why I love helping people I love seeing the joy on people’s faces whenever they feel better or feel as if you have truly helped them over a milestone and this camp was just a small thing leading to an even bigger thing I want later in my life.
I think often we really must have a goal in mind, but the journey is so important, even if we know we never will reach that goal. But still we must be genuine in our attempt to reach that goal.
I don’t know really, it’s just kind of frustrating — I’m reading (and have read in the past) all these essays from different philosophers and political theorists, and think, quite frankly, for lack of a better word — that some of these people are nutjobs. They just seem so out of touch with reality and their work seems to reflect more their internal struggles and personal experiences rather than the external. Maybe that can serve as part of my motivation going forward with the social sciences — to try and prove — or at least disprove, some of these theorists.
Because, too often we have this stereotypical notion of a racist — and since we don’t fit that stereotype, we generally consider ourselves and the people around us to be not racist. While I’m not calling anyone a racist, I’m just saying that I think it’s important to change the way we view racism. Racism is not always some large-scale horrific act of racial discrimination — rather it can be found on a daily basis in more subtle ways.
I just saw on facebook that there is a trending story…updates regarding the shooting of an unarmed black man in Tulsa by a policeman.
That’s the mistake people make, when they justify what they already do. No. First you must decide what’s right, then you should do it. It can’t be the other way around.
I was just thinking that if I had the ability to help people, I would. But now I’ve realized we all have the potential to make a difference, because a little bit of effort can add up between a lot of people.
I look forward to one day being able to have kids of my own, and influencing them to make the best decisions they can, while thriving at whatever it is they choose to do, hopefully playing hockey that is.
Well I’d love to go to New Zealand and do this one day, but first I need to get out of the Country, and I don’t care where. Maybe I’ll go on an LSA, or maybe I’ll go snowboarding in Canada over our extended winter break. Either way, I’m sure what I experience will be very new to me, very authentic. Nothing akin to my everyday routine here in the United States.
Talent is just something I believe is inherent and what you do with it is your choice but people should know that they have a talent for a reason and that they should use it. Obviously you are not going to find your inherent talent at first but when you do find it you will be so happy and so amazed and relieved that you have found your niche. Hard work as it sounds is hard but the harder you work the better results you get.
I’m glad to say that I have found a lot of Asian people at Dartmouth who are proud of their heritage and want to celebrate and discuss issues pertaining to their heritage, which I think is great.
It would be impossible for me not to think of how spoiled I am here. An education, housing, all you can eat food. Freedom.
We’re all on our phones because it’s an easy source of instant satisfaction. Cheap, like a high that doesn’t last long. Equally as fake. And not only is this part of the problem, it makes the problem worse. Because when I’m looking down on my phone, I’m missing some things. If a homeless person walks on my subway car and tells his story, and people look down at their phones because they feel awkward, it’s wrong! They should feel awkward, it isn’t fair. And pretending that you don’t see the problem by staring at a rectangle that is your phone is just wrong.
I wish I couldn’t text sometimes because maybe, maybe if we just had to write letters we would have to put in effort and thought and make them nice or at least real about what was going on in our lives and there would be some real communication and maybe I could help her.
I inherited this strong-willed quality from my mother, who seems to never give up at anything, and my dad, who created everything out of nothing.
Today, my floormate asked me what I do in times of hardship, and I realized that it was an integral part of who I am. Simply put, I don’t view any situations as straight up bad. Because of my religion, I’m a firm believer in fate, so I really think that everything that happens, happens for a reason. Basically, I keep this quote in my mind whenever something remotely worrisome happens: “If you can do something to change it, why worry? If you can’t do something to change it, why worry?”
There are so many people each with our own story. There are so many stories. And who are we? And what must we do.
The choices that we make do define us, but we must also remember that every choice means that we are also giving up on something.
So all trip I didn’t know how quickly time was passing. I didn’t know things like how much longer till lunch or how was our pace… are we going to make it to camp before sun down? (we didn’t on the first night… oy vey) and so I was just in the experience not the second or the minute or the hour but the experience.
The possibilities are endless. But I do have this moment now. And in this time, I’m actually not set on anything. Honestly life in my opinion feels more like the aggregation of single moments. Each of which lead up to the next one: by definition creating each other.
I used to play so many call of duty videogames that one day I was sitting in my mom’s car with my sister, waiting to leave the grocery store, and as a plane flew by, I instinctively tried to take out a rocket launcher and shoot the plane. At that point in my life, I realized I needed to play a lot less video games, because you should be able to live without shooting every plane down that you see.
I think that about a lot of things. Definitely love. Also when I miss people. I think longing is a nicer word than missing. Though missing has its merits, part of me is missing because I’m missing someone. But longing is stronger, more true. Some say love is most true when its reciprocated…I don’t think so. I think the truest form of love is Dante’s love, or maybe heartbreak.
The power, seriously all of the power that could even be held over me really is held in this device. Does that make sense? The most extreme response I could ever have to anything could probably, theoretically be elicited through some kind of technological interaction.
I really do think she is wrong and yes, there are some opinions that are just wrong.
Sometimes the absolute best feeling that the small chunk of plastic and metal and glass in my hands can give me is this pure excitement that happens when I get a text or an email or something, whatever thing that pops up on my screen bearing good, unexpected news, like a happy surprise. Words that make my heart start to pump blood straight to my cheeks and make my hands tingle and I worry I might drop my phone so I have to put it down and I can’t relax the muscles that scrunch my cheeks and crinkle my eyes, is that a word? So I’m smiling that’s what I’m trying to say.
So I wrote thank you. Thank you for giving me this moment, thank you for giving me this fullness. Thank you for an experience that would’ve been nothing without exactly who was there with me every step of the way.
And it’s hard to be so patient — it’s a bit aggravating knowing that what you want/desire will come, but not for another few months or so. But I’ll take a deep breath and move on.
When I eventually paused, she looked at me and said simply, “Yeah… I haven’t been doing too well myself.” She walked closer and gave me a hug, and a bit of the pressure on my chest seemed to fade.
Whatever is to be done with happiness. I guess that’s up to you.
