Kim, your objection is like music to my ears — and not the first time I’ve heard it. I can explain this perspective best with a story.
Several years ago, one of my strongest managers… we’ll call him Wade, attended the Manager Tools Effective Manager Conference. I spoke with him at the end of day 1 and he had mostly positive reviews except for one situation in which he butted heads with Mark Horstman, the facilitator.
Mark was espousing that providing feedback to your boss was simply not a good idea. Most managers aren’t equipped to handle it and that can create direct implications to your job security, or at least further opportunities. Furthermore, the feedback model that the Manger Tools folks describe is pretty direct. It has four steps:
- First, you say something consistent like, “Can I give you some feedback?”
- “When you [specific behavior]”
- “Here’s what happens, [specific consequences]”
- “What do you think you can do differently?” Or in the case of positive feedback: “Thanks! Keep that up.”
Between the potential blowback from providing feedback to a manager that isn’t receptive and the almost adversarial “what do you think you can do differently” from a subordinate, Mark consistently advocates against giving your manager feedback.
Wade disagreed strongly considering he gave me feedback ALL THE TIME. And in many cases with less kind words!
When I debriefed the altercation with Wade that evening, I suggested that perhaps Mark was “toeing the line” as it were, because if he were to even hint that there might be situations where feedback is okay most of the attendees of the conference would think “Oh, I’m in that special situation! Feedback is for sure okay for me to give to my boss.” Wade was skeptical about that theory about Mark’s rationale. Yet, when he cornered Mark the next day he discovered that was in fact largely true.
So. Do I think you should never give your manager feedback? No, I don’t think that at all and I hope all of my employees feel comfortable doing so.
Do I think this holds true for everyone? No. I think at best 60% of managers out there can’t handle feedback. So the odds aren’t in employees’ favor. Sure, I think “well then go find a new boss” is preferable… but I’ve had the unfortunate rude awakening over the past few weeks that have gone like this:
Friend: Hey Yanek — I’d really like to work at this particular company. What do you think?
Yanek: I think you should keep looking. I cannot in good conscience recommend that organization. [Reasons]
Friend: I hear you, but I’m earning $0 right now and the situation you describe sounds better.
I’m dismayed that I have friends in that position… but if “having a job” is more important to you given where you are in life at the moment than “having a great boss,” then perhaps I should toe the line as well. And so I did.