Relationships: Don’t be scared to get hurt, be scared of not living.
“I never have high expectations, thats why I am never disappointed.”
“The best way to not have your heart broken is to pretend you don’t have one.”
“Too many high hopes, too many disappointments”.
Please, stop! Honestly when I read things like that or listen to people who think this way, I start to pitty them, alot. Living in fear of disappointment, being scared of the possibily of being wrong and not having expectations and hope because you might get hurt if it doesn’t work out is probably the worst way to live your life…Most times, especially when we are talking about young people, these quotes are linked automatically with relationships and the process of being inlove.
Now I know even the great William Shakespeare has said “Expectation is the root of all heartache” , but lets assume, just for argument’s sake that he was wrong, just on that topic. I mean its possible, he was human…
Getting your heart broken is no picnic. Most people that have experienced it change and start having a different perspective on life itself. Often they would say that they will never ever let themselfs feel so strongly about anyone ever again. They feel used, vulnerable and alone. Sometimes they develop an increadible desire for vengence and the need for redemption takes over them, as they try to find a relationship as soon as possible, just to prove to that cruel person that they are over them and they feel great about it.
This is not logical. But, love itself isn’t. However it pains me to see people pretending to be robots, wearing a mask in public so they seem strong and uncaring.
Why are we avoiding the process of pain itself?? How come we don’t appreciate that in order to have a hear broken into pieces, stepped on, picked up and thrown in the trash, we must have felt love before? We must have felt the greatest feeling in the world. Therefore, we must have been happy. The only way we could have felt something so awful, something so bitter and painful as hearbreak, as if we have felt the beauty of love before that. That magical moment when you start visualizing being with that person, that incredible fulfillment it gives you trying to be the best version of you, trying to improve in every way possible. You feel invicable during that period, you feel like you are fighting for something, something much bigger than yourself.
Then, all of sudden, when things go south, it doesn’t work the way you planned and wanted to, why is that so terribly bad? I mean yes, you were beaten, you were defeated and you probably felt like someone put a knife in your chest and then twisted the way John Travolta did in Face/Off. But you know what, no matter how painful it was, no matter how bad you felt, it made you so much stronger than you were before. It gave you experience, wisdom and stories, alot of stories… Isn’t that what we all want? An interestesting, amazing life? If you don’t go after you want, you will most surely regret it after years thinking “what if”. Better an oops than a what if. When you get hurt, not only in relationships but in life itself, you become so much aware and alive than ever before.
So why do we regret something or someone that gave us so much more possitive than negative?!
When people get older it gets a little trickier. Pride gets involved and it start being a bigger issue than before. Adults lose the motivation and the effort they once put is gone and both partners stop benefitting from the relationship. When they are kids involved it gets even more difficult. Truth is, the same sex parent is every child’s role model at first, whether they like to admit it or not. How parents interract with one another shapes up the child’s view not only on relationships, but on life itself.
So why are relationships so defficult? Truth is, they aren’t, people are. What all of us have to understand, is that when we are dealing with human beings we are not dealing with logical, rational thinking creatures. We are dealing with creatures based on emotions and fear. Creatures that have the need to feel accepted and appreciated.
Knowing all that, instead of trying to win the argument, say I told you so or trying to get back at what your partner said, we must try to be more understanding of the needs to this person. The most important think is to be happy in a relationship, so if you put the effort in, you partner will as well, thats a normal psychological reaction. If, however, he does not, thats when you walk away, no matter how difficult or wrong it must feel. Because if there is one thing I have learned in my short life about relationships, is that if the other person does not care about you, he doesn’t deserve you.
Having said all of that, I want to share with you my favorite South Park scene, which I think is straight to the point I am trying to make.