The noise in my head.

It’s one of those nights when all you want to do is be present in your youth. The sky is a lovely shade of royal blue dancing with the clouds. There is relief in the wind and a hint that autumn is around the corner. It too is enjoying the summer; can’t be bothered to change the leaves yet. People are glad to walk from the subway back to their apartments and markets. Pushing one’s way through the New York subway is not always the ballet one dreams of.

It’s hot down there… too hot. Each transfer seems endless filled with a sea of people. Tall people, thin people, ones who slouch, others with their booty out. There are those who shout out the word of God and tell us, “Jesus is still alive.” Others comment on society, while others make comments on themselves without having a clue what that means.

A man blessed me on the R today, which was a relief. I thought he was cursing me. I took it. I didn’t want to be rude and change my seat as he spoke to me in tongues. The same woman from the A was on the R giving the same speech about how she needed 47 but only had 20. Nobody looked her way. A man’s laughter mixed with her sermon, which mixed with the thoughts of people’s to do list, which created a hum of stickiness. But it’s worse on the platform.

I sat in a café with an old friend talking about the future, dreaming of the tomorrows. Children. Will we have children? What will life be like living for someone else? We thought we were young. Aren’t we children ourselves? I drink my coffee black with no sugar and wish for my childhood.

We talked of the city. Our city. The world’s city. The city we all dream of one time or another. We sit in awe; too excited to be scared. That will come with time. I think somebody told me that along the way. I’m not sure if I’ll believe it.

I thought of the shootings in the schools and got sad. I thought of the safety we all feel when walking down the street on a perfect summer day. I thought of the fear of blue skies children have thousands of miles away. I got sad, as I always get sad. I looked up and saw the sun setting over the skyscrapers. The pink clouds mixed with the white and I couldn’t help but smile.

Going back down I pushed my way back through the crowds and landed on my stoop.

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