➢I hate the word “friend zone.” The word feels dishonest, and time and again I find that the people who use the word are being exactly that — dishonest. That’s not to say that men in general are lying idiots (no more so than the lying idiot women that inhabit the world), but rather that some men just can’t help but be willing to compromise themselves when it comes to any piece of moist flesh they find their blood shafts aroused by.
If you happen to be the kind of guy routinely stuck in the friend zone, I get it: you never intentionally choose the friend zone. It just seems to happen again and again — and always with the one girl you like. It’s not that you want to be in the friend zone; you just don’t know what you’re doing wrong. You don’t know any other way of behaving.
Because of this, it’s important to understand what meta-behaviors cause placement in the “friend zone,” and where you stand in society if you exhibit those sorts of behavior s— because these actions say a lot about who you are as a person, and it isn’t good. For those who find themselves in the friend zone (aka you find yourself attracted to a woman with whom you’re “just friends,” and you’re dumb enough to actually use the term…), two general situations tend to apply. They are as follows.
The loser: “Sure she rejected me, but if I lie and pretend that I’m totally okay with just friendship, maybe one day she’ll realize her mistake, after I get her cozy enough and do enough boyfriend-y things with her.”
The coward: “I haven’t even stated my intentions, but maybe I can trick her into falling for me if she just gets rejected by someone else and I’m there at the right time.”
Never mind the fact that lying and manipulation are both incredibly unattractive and happen to be the hallmarks of men with incredibly low standards. Never mind the fact that there are over 3 billion other women in the world, and you’re obsessing over this one chick while ignoring everyone else. Never mind the fact that this girl could be hooking you up with her one hot single friends if you’d just stop with the idiocy…
But hey, I’m sure there’s plenty of ego-gratifying self-pity to go around in the friend zone. Listen, there’s a short maxim I’d like you to recognize. I wouldn’t call it an ultimate principle of life, but it’s pretty damn close, so here goes:
If you’re not willing to be honest with yourself or with the girl, you don’t deserve the girl.
Women of quality deserve men of quality, and vice versa — so, if the girl you like is a woman of quality, what do you you need to be in order to deserve her — hell, to even show up on her radar?
Btw, I understand your predicament, you guys who are stuck in the “friend zone.” You’ve been lying for months, maybe years. “I can’t say something now, what will she think?” Well, lying hasn’t gotten you anywhere this far; you might want to try something new. PS, a small number of you may have previously confessed your love to her — and it was a train wreck, then you laid low for a while while she ignored you, then you slowly got back into her good graces by either apologizing or pretending nothing had happened…
Listen: being weak and inconsistent isn’t attractive either. If you’re in the “friend zone,” it’s because you’re behaving in a way that is fundamentally not sexually attractive to the girl in question. This is basic psychology.
And to answer your next question, the one you’re not actually daring to ask: yes, if you’re honest with the girl AND stick to your guns and choose to be someone who actually keeps to their standards, you may lose the friendship. But then again, a friendship isn’t a romance, is it? And clearly the friend zone route isn’t getting you anywhere. Better to have a non-friendship with a girl who respects that you have boundaries, than to have a false friendship with a girl who thinks of you as “her little brother” (and not in the erotica-incest porn way either).
It’s time to be honest with yourself about what you want. Hell, you might not even want the girl. You might just be super interested because she seems so unattainable and for no other reason. But whatever it is, you need to actually address it. Lying to the girl is lame, cowardly, and it’s wrong. Nobody wants to be in a relationship built on a lie — whether that relationship is romantic or not. So stop torturing yourself. Be brave. Step up. Exit the friend zone. I promise, regardless of the outcome, you’ll respect yourself a lot more because of it.
In case you’re wondering how to avoid the friend zone in the first place, take this conversation as a starting point, and work your way from there.
“Hey, so are you single? You seem like a really cool person and I’d like to get to know you more.” (or whatever line you happen to use)
No sorry, I have a boyfriend. We can still be friends, though.
“Nah, it’s okay. To be honest, if you’re as cool as you seem to be, I probably wouldn’t want to be just friends with you, and I don’t do the crappy sideways shit. So we won’t worry about this, okay? Have a great day.”
-and then you walk away, or change topics, and it’s no big deal. I guarantee the girl has never had that happen to her in her life — and she will remember you. Alternatively, if you can manage to actually keep it in your pants when it comes to hot girls, and form a group of hot female friends that you are genuinely just friends with (remember, no bullshitting yourself on this. It has to be real.), you put yourself in a really good position to meet a lot of great women, and have women of quality vouching for you. When a girl recognizes that you are a catch, she will try to set you up with other great women in her life. Why?
Because great men are a rarity, and women love to have them in their life, even if only as friends.
Men, forget the friend zone. Ditch the concept. Stop trapping yourselves in emotion-zapping, torturous friendships that are based on a lie. If you like a girl, be honest about it. There are 3 billion of women in the world, and most of them are a fingertip away from an introduction. Don’t screw it up by lowering your standards on the hopes that one girl will lower her standards to match. You’re better, and you deserve better.
PS, not that this is related or anything, but to those married people: if your spouse is your “best friend,” then you’re really bad at making friends. Marriages without a social life are death traps, to even the healthiest marriages.