Love at First Sight: Her Perspective

I can never explain why. It’s just something: he passes by me and his eyes just lock with mine, and he has a look on his face that I can’t describe, but oh fuck those eyes…

Warmth floods through me. I can feel my cheeks blush, and suddenly I’m aware of my body in a way I didn’t before — or maybe I don’t even see him; maybe I just hear his voice from behind me, and something about it, the way it resonates… it hurtles past my ears and blasts into my skin, turning my body to goo. I can feel my vagina begin to echo my heart beat:


As I sit there in near panic, deeply inhaling, praying to god that nobody else can see the wet stain forming on the bottom of my jeans, as my — it’s not my vagina any more — pussy soaks itself. I’m so vulnerable. I’m so fucking turned on. I don’t know what it is. He can’t talk to me. If he talks to me I’ll fuck him, I swear to god I won’t even think about it, he could have me right here in front of everybody — oh god that’s so wrong, why am I so wet thinking about this? Those fucking eyes…

Don’t come here. Fuck. Come here. I can’t run. I want to run but I want you to catch me. Please catch me. Oh fuck, please nobody notice me practically cumming right now, please nobody notice.

Oh god. He’s walking towards me. Play it cool, girl. Don’t let him know he already owns you.

➢There’s something about it. Something in that interaction. You haven’t even met him, and already your mode of being is attuned to his mode of being — or at least your perception of his being. “But that’s lust at first s-” Humans have always been social creatures, and that includes ten million years of mating rituals in social settings. The fact that this happens in social settings should clue you in: this isn’t about sex, regardless of how turned on you get. “But I generally only meet men in social settings” — exactly — and so has nearly every other woman in history, for the past ten million years.

To the guys: If you’re reading this, you probably live in the Western world, along with the stark individualism it represents, and the lassaiz-faire approach to sexuality that it’s housed for the past fifty years. But history goes back much further than just fifty years. The experience of “love at first sight” is universal. It transcends culture; as far as I know the concept of “love at first sight” is contained within archetypal stories as an archetypal trope in and of itself, which means that it’s actually encoded somewhere in our behavioral DNA.

Not to mention the fact that — up until less than a millennium ago, the vast majority of cultures on the Earth were collectivist rather than individualist. In collective cultures, there’s no such thing as one night stands. It’s not only not encouraged, it’s nearly impossible, from social and legal standpoints. Oh, also physical. Let’s not forget that *certain* collectivist cultures today still get murderous over the idea of a woman’s choice of mate.

Even a slight dive beneath the surface reveals a fine nuance to the phrase — and if “love at first site” really is archetypal, there must be a deeper explanation, as is the form factor of archetypal data. “Love at first sight” is not really a question of “would I bang;” I think that’s just a misinterpretation based on our western individualist lassaiz faire sexuality mindset (how’s that for a fucking mouthful).

Instead, I think “love at first sight” is something like this: You see a person. Instantly the old parts of your brain evaluate that person, and judge them as being incredibly attractive and compatible based on a surprisingly dense amount of information of which your conscious self is only barely aware. You then meet the person, and end up negotiating a relationship with them such that their attractiveness to you and your attractiveness to them does not disappoint the initial judgement, and that negotiation happens to be fairly easy. You then look back on the beginning of the relationship and call it “love at first sight,” because you don’t know how else to describe it.

When a man approaches a woman and says that super corny line, “do you believe in love at first sight,” and he MEANS it, he’s not saying “what I’m experiencing right now is the totality of love at this very moment,” what he’s saying is, “What I’m experiencing right now tells me that we have the potential create a relationship so complete and fulfilling and with such ease that we will look back upon it and call it love at first sight.”

Of course, either the man or woman could have terrible intuition messed up by years of cognitive bias, but who am I to lay judgement here? The hindbrain wants what the hindbrain wants, people.

— As a side note, “love at first sight” is often used by people who don’t know how to properly negotiate a relationship.

The “blue pill” way was to idealize “love at first sight” as the most romantic of relationships — and for some, the only path to a soul mate (wrong on both accounts).

The “red pill” way was to call “love at first sight” a complete and utter lie, or alternatively to rephrase it as “lust at first sight.”

What if it’s merely a psychological filter by which to detect possible quality mates? Gents, you know your own version of “love at first sight,” and the impulse to action that fills you. Maybe the insight here for you is: Use that impulse and take action. Go talk to her. Your only mission in that moment is to find out what kind of relationship can be negotiated between the two of you. Friends? Enemies? Lovers?

At least upgrade her to something beyond “fuel for the spank bank of shame because I was too much of a coward to approach her.” Go. Find out what there is to be had.

As a side note to those asking the question: YES, there are in fact things you can do to increase the chances of other people experiencing this intense reaction when they experience you for the first time.

Another time.