Thank you for sharing this intensely personal horrible thing you are experiencing. As a very, very lucky cancer survivor, I have a bit of an idea what it’s like.
For what it’s worth, I highly recommend the writings and website(s) of respected Oncologist Bernie S. Siegel to anyone who is experiencing serious illness and their families (obviously, especially cancer.) His books include “Love Medicine and Miracles,” and “Peace Love and Healing” but this is not at all as woo-woo as it may sound. His “Exceptional Cancer Patients” program has saved lives, I have no doubt. Some resources from him include: http://berniesiegelmd.com/resources/organizations-websites/
The books are truly worth reading. I am not affiliated with him or them in any way. I wish you all the best. Take care.