And Ever Since…
To add to the giant L everyone believed 2016 to be, I was broken up with on a Monday evening, in a blue Subaru BRZ, “Lost Boy” by Ruth B. playing loudly in the background.
That was over a year ago.
That one moment was one of many that bolstered me onto the journey to be the best version of myself. Labeling my road to improvement as, “Year of the Bold Ellis”, I promised to no longer be complacent with my little problems like being too shy to ask for a togo box or confronting lighter thieves.
Today, six months later, I reminisce on each of the mini battles I fought against myself, overwhelmed with so much to be grateful for. And as I continue to grow as Bold Ellis, I wanted to pause and say some things to my former self.
Ever since Bold Ellis:
- You will cry. It’ll be 5 months since, 2am on no particular Thursday night, and you’ll sit in bed and cry. You won’t know why, but just let yourself. Your body must know how to purge of feelings you didn’t even know you had.
- You will get frustrated. Each pothole and roadblock will feel catastrophic to you, but just be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day, you too won’t change overnight. Celebrate every victory as one step closer to being the woman you desire to be. When you face a towering wall and think, “This is it. The one problem I can’t solve,” Give it some time. I want you to remember — there were so many problems you thought you couldn’t solve, each one now just an item checked off the to-do list. (hooray you can ask for a togo box by yourself now! …for the most part ;))
- You will get excited. When you take a deep breath and put that determined look on your face, you will be fucking unstoppable. Chase every opportunity (even if you think you’re underqualified), raise your hand in class, and own every inch of yourself. Be unapologetic in expressing yourself and explore everything you’re passionate about.
- You will be so happy his lazy ass dumped you. I’d be damned if at some point you didn’t stop and think to yourself, “I can do better. Shit, I am better.” You will be overjoyed when you think of your progress and the formerly crushing catalyst as the start. Now you’ll know that you can handle anything and even if it suuuuucks in the moment, you know so much good could come from it.
- And finally, you will know love like you’ve never known before. Your friends will support your growth and improvement and will patiently hold your hand every step of the way. They will never complain about your various breakdowns (sometimes showers will flood). They will help you laugh about thinking you were an ABG in fall (goooo greek!). And they will use Bold Ellis as the strongest form of leverage, second only to “You’re not down”. But most importantly, they will cheer you on as you fight your inner demons. They will tirelessly remind you of your potential over and over again, especially when you feel like giving up. They will help you be Bold Ellis when sometimes you don’t even feel like being Ellis. Never take them for granted. They’ve taught you what loving yourself needs to look like and what the love you deserve to have will be.
So thank you to everyone that has supported me in every which way. And now that it’s summer, I’m ecstatic to see where Bold Ellis will take me! Whatever comes my way, I’m hyped to take it on.