As I rung in 2017 wildin’ out on Valley View Casino’s floor, I knew one thing for certain: this was my fucking year.
I spoke it into existence, “This is the Year of the Bold Ellis.” No more feeling sorry for myself, no more fear of rejection, no more complaining about things I had full ability to change.
So I started with small, simple tasks like confidently raising my hand in a large lecture or applying to jobs I felt unqualified for. But after just one fat L, I already wanted to give up and the year had just barely started. I needed to change my mindset. L’s weren’t going to just be something that happened to me. I was in charge of my behavior and the events that occured from them. L’s stood for learning and boy did ya girl start learning from her mistakes.
“Last night I took an L but tonight I bounce back”
And I bounced back hard. I started pursuing design stuff more, taught myself to use Sketch, and even got a graphic design position with the Students for the Exploration and Discovery of Space! I did well in my classes, went to office hours for once, and got positions in labs. I went to a fuckton of concerts: Gnash + Max Schneider, William Singe + Alex Aiono, Lupe Fiasco, Chance the Rapper, Party Pupils, Blackbear, Bleachers, Nas + Lauryn Hill, Chet Faker, Daniel Caesar, and Aminé.
On top of all those amazing blessings and more, I spent more time with friends. I made friends in class and at the gym. More concerts, more game nights, more study sessions, more love. My friends supported me, encouraged me, and gave me memories that I will always remember as the best of my college experience.
But even with all that good stuff, I still felt unfulfilled. What I really wanted, more than academic success, more than career development, more than anything really, was emotional growth.
I was stunted emotionally. Perpetually stuck in 2016, I struggled with looking to feel wanted in all the wrong places and being upset for not holding myself to a higher standard. And I got tired of it. Enough was enough, I was going to set myself on a journey towards loving myself, forgiving myself for the all mistakes I had made, and empowering myself to be okay on my own.
And right, smack dab in the middle of all this self love and empowerment, I started going to RIMAC early in the morning. And I’m so glad I did because without the weird, friendly guy at the front desk, the Year of the Bold Ellis would have never reached its full potential.
He helped me to achieve all the growth I was yearning for. He taught me how to be smarter, more thought conscious, and truly grateful for every experience. He made me feel comfortable to say anything, always asking questions and listening intently (even with my 500 tangents). He made me feel appreciated like never before (like getting me a postcard from Yosemite to write to me about metaphors). He pushed me forward when I felt stuck —patiently encouraging me whenever I insisted something was impossible. He steadily undid all the toxic behaviors I had developed.
But the best thing he did,
was show me what being loved looked like.
Diego taught me what it felt like to be respected and what it felt like to be proud of — two things I didn’t know I didn’t know. He was endlessly thoughtful and understanding even when I was difficult. Diego patiently loved me when I was struggling to love myself. At a time when I thought I would never be able to love someone else,
Diego became my best friend.
And thanks to him and every single one of my friends, I grew up to be everything I ever wanted to be. I’m more confident, more driven, more emotionally mature, more bold. I could have never imagined that the Year of the Bold Ellis would have been as successful as it has been. If I told myself back in 2016 that I would be so impossibly happy now, I probably wouldn’t even believe it. I’m so proud of all the things I accomplished in 2017 whether it was good grades or mental wellbeing. And I know Bold Ellis is not over; there’s always more to be done.
So here’s to 2018 and being on journey to be better- constantly pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, facing your pain points head on, and not denying yourself every success you deserve.
Thank you everyone for the best year of my life. I can’t wait for many more.
#yearoftheboldellis
