To the one who ghosted

How do I make you want to stay? How do I make you obsessed and madly in love with me?

Should I allow you to come back, only to watch you leave again? Do I doubt my self worth because of the way you treated me?

I tell myself that things are going to get better. I remind myself that I am worth so much more and I deserve so much more than you, as you yourself said. I tell myself that I do not need your validation, I do not need you to feel comfortable in my own skin. I try to assure myself that you would slowly stop invading my thoughts. I try and I try but I would eventually fall and relapse and once again I long for your embrace and I miss how your fingers felt between mine. I miss the way your lips moved around mine and I long for your tender touch again.

But I need to know what I am signing up for. I am signing up for something that degrades my self worth. I am signing up for something that is fleeting, something like a passing cloud that would only rain on my parade. I know deep down that you would ghost me again and the hurt would start all over again. I know that you would one day be done with me again. And comes another day where you would play with my feelings, pushing and pulling at my heartstrings but at the same time saying the very words of “I just want us to remain as friends”

Are you going to tell me that and then proceed to place your lips on mine? Are you? Are you going to bid me farewell with a kiss again? Are you going to keep teasing me?

Do not ghost me again because I can no longer render the idea of not having you with me. Otherwise, do not come back pulling at my heartstrings, and let this be a clean break.