[Read Part 3]

I’ve been promising to directly address the issue of domestic violence and lockdown.

Here it goes: Fixing things once somebody is in a bad situation is so much harder than giving people the tools to make safe decisions at the beginning of a relationship. Love is a powerful drug. There are things we can’t see. That being said, even at the beginning of a relationship when the drug is especially powerful, sometimes we need our friends to hold up the mirror for us.

We also need to be a safe and supportive community. This is the most important piece of our 5th principle TELL. It’s not enough that a person tells. They need to have a community that knows how to react in loving, safe and supportive ways. …

[Read Part 2]

Lately, I’ve been talking a lot about choices. But I want to make it very clear that choice has nothing to do with blame or fault.

I repeat… Any and all abuse is always the fault of the perpetrator.

I repeat… Any and all abuse is always the fault of the perpetrator.

When looking at somebody else’s situation, there are at least 1,001 factors that an outsider can’t possibly understand. Like the fear of being alone. For some people, the fear of being alone is much worse and more crippling than being with somebody who doesn’t treat them respectfully. Nobody has a right to judge anyone other than themselves. …

[Read Part 1]

In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey suggests setting up a 1–7 scale with your spouse.

For example, if you really want to go to the movies (you’re at a 7) but your spouse doesn’t really want to go (he / she is at a 4), maybe ask a friend or your child to go with you.

Or, if you’re the one who’s at a “4,” maybe you’ll change your mind because you know how much it means to your spouse. …

Over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten more than a few requests to talk about how COVID-19 has led to an increase in domestic violence.

I’ll get to that, I promise.

But it’s not simple being a human, and this is all very complicated. So before we talk about what’s happening today, there are a few issues I feel the need to address first.

Like I said, this is complicated. Not every abuser abuses in the same way for the same reasons. Is it possible to unpack the life, education, and traumas of an abuser to figure out what triggers the abuse and why? …

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about cultural messages we receive that, honestly, need to be revisited and unpacked.

I’ve talked about the dangers of minding our own business.

Here’s another one that’s been bugging me:

“Talking to yourself is a sign of insanity.”

Really? Who made that up?

I’ve always found it difficult to overhear other people’s difficult conversations in restaurants (or anywhere, for that matter).

Somebody recently asked me why, so I told them this story:

One Christmas when I was a kid, my family and I went to a Chinese restaurant (as good Jews do).

When a man at the next table started choking, my father, who is not a doctor or paramedic, jumped up, ran over to him, and did the Heimlich.

When the guy recovered, he looked at my father and said, “Thank you very much.”

If my father had minded his own business, the guy might have died. …

This conversation started the other evening, during a webinar run by Meg Stone of IMPACT Boston.

While we are being asked to refrain from socializing in almost all of the ways that we are used to, are we really being asked to be less social?

While we are being asked to refrain from socializing in almost all of the ways that we are used to, are we really being asked to be less social?

As someone sitting in quarantine (only a few more days to go!) I know that I have not been less social. My family, friends, and colleagues have done everything possible to fill my days (and nights) with conversations, discussions, story-telling, and just being “together” during this complicated time we are all wrestling with while wondering about tomorrow. …

“Thanks to the helpers. Let’s take care of ourselves and each other.”

~ Tom Hanks

We’ve all seen way too many news stories about panic, suffering, and fights in grocery stores.

So since yesterday, as I made the very surreal trip from New York back to Jerusalem knowing that I was about to spend two weeks in isolation, I’ve been trying to focus on positive stories.

With this much stress, it’s not easy to be positive. Being totally positive is not realistic, either. We need to process everything we feel.

But following the advice of Tom Hanks, which of course he got from Mr. Rogers, is helping me. I’m trying to spot the “helpers,” and it’s actually pretty easy. …