I bet you rue the day you kissed a writer in the dark

Image for post
Image for post

This draft has been left untouched since March 23. I haven’t been writing. There’s a list of essay titles glued to my wall. I look at them, and they say nothing.

Initially, this idea came out from a conversation with my sister. She ran into someone she had dated on Instagram or something, or I had. Because it’s been seven years since we've lived in different countries, I don’t know — or have ever seen — most of the people she’s dated lately, and vice-versa. …


So the secret is out: Steve Coogan is my #1 celebrity crush

Image for post
Image for post

If we have ever talked in person for more than one hour, I possibly brought up the fact that Steve Coogan is my #1 celebrity crush. He has held his position for a very long time — the previous record-holder had been Orlando Bloom.

The very early 2000s have come and gone quickly, and time has not been kind to all of us.

The reason I’m telling you this: I’ve been reading a lot of Calvin Trillin lately. He’s the kind of writer that my writing would have been inspired by if I had read him before I started writing…


All roads lead to London, it seems

Image for post
Image for post

I arrived in London on September 9th, 2013. A naïve 23-year-old girl (woman?) with two 32kg suitcases that hopped on a black cab from Heathrow to Kensal Road, promptly dropping £80 on the trip.

I remember it being a grey afternoon. Surprise. I remember thinking: I’m not sure about this. Am I doing the right thing?

But there was never an answer for that — I had simply let London happen to me. That’s kind of how I live my life. …


What a convenient time to practice social-distancing, eh?

To read part 1, click here

Image for post
Image for post

Needless to say how much has changed since part 1 was published.

But here I am and I'm saying it: how much has changed! A husky voice under a film noir lamp, legs stretched out on the desk, flicking a cigarette on a golden ashtray.

How much has changed.

No femme fatale red lipstick, no need for Mac’s Ruby Woo or Chanel’s Pirate if you stay at home. More Marlene Dietrich in men’s pyjamas than Rita Hayworth in a silk camisole.

Obviously and somewhat ironically, this celibacy project of mine took a sudden left…


This is a Wim Wenders reference, by the way.

Image for post
Image for post

Lisbon is an excellent choice for a place should you decide to fall in love.

You could have your first date at the viewpoint in Graça, for example, which happens to be your favourite in the city because of that time, in 2013, visiting the city for the first time. You had decided to get lost on its slippery cobblestone paths only to enter a church in Graça and witness the choir rehearsing, the however-many-pipes organ echoing through your veins.

Will you tell him that when he arrives?

Will you tell him that you sat in a church, you, the…


Poetic musings about a 2019 breakup.

Image for post
Image for post

There is a solitude of new beginnings left to cool on a silver platter.

A forgotten open window and the unwelcome rain on the clothes drying by my new balcony. Only female underwear this time, including the bear boy shorts that he said he’d miss if (when, really) we broke up.

Sometimes I try to dig concrete with a golden shovel.

Softness is not only reserved for the skin of loved ones but the pejorative weakness inside our mouths when we ask things like do you still love me? And get you’ve changed in return.

We still sleep through the…


I'm a writer, it shouldn't be that hard (that's what she said)

Image for post
Image for post

The simplistic thought that makes this celibacy project appealing: the type of sex I enjoy needs a dick. A dick usually comes attached to a man. And men equal problems.

It starts with bitterness but quickly moves onto more relevant topics, I promise.

*

Are 4 months of celibacy too long?

Opinions diverge.

Personally, it sounds reasonable to me, even though it will be the longest no sex, no relationship period I've had in the last 5 years. The record prior to that was 2 months during a long-distance relationship (from October 21st, 2019 to December 19th, 2019).

And if…


Image for post
Image for post

An introvert decides to test her limits and fails

Here’s how it starts: I had a few days off.

Not only I had a few days off, but my flatmate was away for a whole week. Technically, by “a few days off” I mean that my Brazilian team would be celebrating Carnival and there wouldn’t be much for me to do but to write 2 articles and upload 2 years of blog content to a new platform.

Exactly!

This series of planetary alignments — my days off and with the flat to myself — also coincided with other equally important astral signs: for starters, I had weed.

I had…


If you date someone who has ever laid their hands on an Xbox or PS4, you have probably heard relentless promises about Red Dead Redemption 2. If you’re me, you’ve watched countless YouTube videos about it as well (including a creepy German guy with hunting knives and white gloves whose channel is dedicated to the opening of video game boxes). Before the 26th of October arrived, I had never thought I would spend my free time watching someone play PS4, but Rockstar Games made this possible. …

yessica klein

writer & weird

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store