
Learn to Accept Compliments for a Job Well Done
Frequently we simply brush off any compliment or positive feedback from a colleague, supervisor, family or stranger with “It was just…” As we so readily dismiss it with any reason that comes to our mind, we miss to acknowledge our achievements to and by ourselves.
Why are we so happy to give a compliment, but not to receive one? Does this have anything to do with our childhood’s conditioning? I believe so.
We need to snap out of it. So what if your parents wanted to ensure that your siblings wouldn’t feel excluded if one thing that you did well was praised? They did the best they could to show equal love to all their children.
There’s also school conditioning. The first time you had received an excellent grade, you were praised loudly and it was acknowledged with excitement at a parents/teachers meeting. The next time it was mentioned less loudly. The following success was mentioned in an almost flat tone. Then it wasn’t even mentioned — it was expected. Only when, probably as a teenager, you had more important things to do than to study, such as “being a teenager”, it became a problem that needed fixing.
“B” or distinction wasn’t good enough, let alone anything less. They all had expected more from you and they told you that. Subconsciously you still remember how you felt and always try to avoid that feeling.
Now any activity, idea or thought that makes you happy, you view through those “eyes”, that magnifying glass that distorts everything into either good enough (never again as great) or really bad. Everyone expects from us what we “train” them to expect.
Our own expectations are our worst enemy. We forget that a child’s view and understanding is completely different from an adult’s understanding of circumstances.
Could we start to train our mind to see the reality from a new perspective? Let’s stop saying: “It’s nothing.”, “It was easy.”, “It’s not a bid deal.”, “I only did …”
It’s time to begin to gracefully accept compliments as they were given not in admiration, but in gratitude. Our teachers were grateful to examine a well done math test (a compliment to them — they taught us well). Our parents were grateful to have more time to spend with us because we had helped them by washing the dishes, picking weeds from our garden or washing the car. That’s how grateful our boss is to have all ideas from a meeting listed in a comprehensive plan, our neighbour being grateful that our garden looks tidy — making them happier to live in our neighbourhood.
Do you remember how it felt to express your gratitude (or give a compliment) to your nephew, spouse, friend? You wanted that person to know how good job they had done and to make them feel good about themselves, to be happy.
Now I imagine that a compliment is a virtual hug given to me, because that’s where it all began.
As children we were hugged and praised for every little achievement — from picking up our toys to first time tying up our shoes. As much as we still crave that feeling, we also reject it by not accepting a compliment.
I think it’s time that we accept all the hugs (even virtual ones) that we could get, and give even more “hugs” to others. Let us smile and say: “Great job!” Yes — with excitement in our voice. When we receive a compliment, let’s smile and accept it with: “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
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