I’m learning to observe the patterns we take on as humans: At some point in our lives, a dramatic event happened. Among all the ways we could interpret the event, we unconsciously decided that something about me that needed to change — I’m not X (e.g., hard-working, funny, beautiful, smart…) enough as someone like Y (e.g., my dad, mom, friend, sibling, celebrity…). That’s why I don’t deserve Z (e.g., love, happiness, intimacy, appreciation…). Without us consciously knowing, we then decided to be X (e.g., hard-working, funny, beautiful, smart…) ALL THE TIME.
Sadly, the more X (e.g., hard-working, funny, beautiful, smart…) we get, often the more likely we’ll lose Z (e.g., love, happiness, intimacy, appreciation…). Such are the scary paradoxes of our life:
- The more eagerly we attempt to please someone, the more they’d want to run away — Almost nobody likes to get squeezed hard.
- The more we run away from failures, the more likely they occur — We get so paralyzed that we may choose the “safest” option. And so we fail to fulfill our potentials.
- The more we dislike a quality from others, the more likely we dislike it within ourselves — Our insecurities make us overcompensate. We can measure everything with them.
- The more we hate to be alone, the lonelier we feel — We try to surround ourselves with a room full of people or get hundreds of “Likes” on Facebook, but they don’t help.
- We stronger we try to appear, the weaker we look — Puffed up features are flimsy by design. We know it. Others know it.
- The more we think we know, the less likely that we do — We can’t see the things we don’t know that we don’t know.
Is there a way out? I’m working on it.
