I’m aware that I may not find another soul who gives me all that you do. Before you tell me to not close myself off to finding love, this is something that I’ve grown to be okay with. I’m genuinely content now.
I, like many, have been through a lot of heartache in such a short time. Some of us aren’t so lucky when it comes to love. But somehow, just knowing that the soul woman of my dreams exists, is enough for me to continue in this life because you’ve given me and continue to give me the most beautiful moments of pure love and compassion.
You support me in every way I want to be held. I don’t want someone who’s over bearing. I don’t want someone who feels the need to be right by my side 24/7. I like missing the other person. I want someone who cares for themselves, takes time out and comes to me when they need. Someone who understands that it’s just as important to be apart than it is to be together. Someone who knows what they want in life and surrenders to how they’re going to get there. A soul who understands what it is to believe and be human under the eyes of God in such a world. A conscious soul who can read me like a book and me – them. To the point where I don’t have to say a word and they know what I’m thinking or feeling. Someone who asks me questions, challenges me and understands my mind through and through. A soul who sets fire to my core with one word. Someone who literally knocks down my walls, knows how far to go and when to stop. She who understands when to (2:22) pick me up. They who acknowledge my complex mind, knowing that they are just as deep.
She who takes my breath away. Someone who grabs me in a moment and kisses me….without it having to be labelled. I don’t need the label. I don’t need a relationship or to build a life with someone, as groundbreaking as you and I would be, perhaps we just aren’t able to be that in this life.
Though, the vision of a life with you is so clear and defined. It’s been replaying in my mind for the past week. It’s so easy to see ‘us’ freely in love. Working on projects, listening to our endless collection of music, having an aesthetically pleasing house overlooking the water. Laughing at stupid shit. Crying at the drop of a hat. Even having the slightest of arguments, but coming back to the centre of us and moving forward. Travelling the world. Trying different foods and seeing new sights. Embracing every second this life has to offer. Taking the lows in our stride. Overcoming it together. Knowing that we are both two very strong individuals, allowing each other the space to pick ourselves up again, just with the helping hand and companionship of each other rather than always going it alone because that’s what we’re used to. Somewhere down the line, there’s even two or three kids in the picture…where we educate them and assist them in growth. Teaching them everything that’s so valuable, yet, never gets taught. Having them understand that it’s the little things in life that help you go far. The value of listening to those around you and assisting wherever you can, protecting yourself in the process. Teaching them that respect is an important quality, but not everyone has it.
I’m sorry to say it, but that’s all with you. So what you stop yourself from seeing, I see it too. When you really look at it…it’s a thing of gender. Here lies the sad reality. If I were a man, this would be a totally different story.
The art of letting go, you mastered it. Things happen when we let go. Our universe understands this. You are living, breathing proof that our prayers are heard and dreams do come true.
“If you’re covering yourself from asking me if I’m in love with you…your answer is yes, I am.”
The grin on your face was uncontrollable whilst admitting this. I also noticed your laugh when I said “…no matter how much I would love to whisk you away for a night or feel your kiss again…” It sets my heart alight.
I noticed a slight change in your eyes recently and I could feel your depth every time your gaze was aimed at me. Knowing that I’m the one who makes you smile the way you do resonates with me just as my favourite song. You give me chills and tingles. All these sensations! Just from your name. Everyone in my house sees how you make me smile too. So much so that they use you when they notice I’m feeling down. I find all of my favourite emotions and memories in you. Childhood memories of books I loved, TV shows, foods and family. The feeling of spring in the air, the first time you feel the warm breeze on your skin after a long winter. That’s you after my two years in a dark period. What I would give to be the one that gets to spend this life with you and live out this dream is incomparable to what anyone else will do. You deserve my love.
Regardless, you’re always going to have my love. You have fulfilled me without trying. Just as you are. You make everything seem logical again. Everything flows when you’re around. You give me everything that’s important. I’ve said it from day one. My love for you is and always will be unconditional. You’ve got me until my dying day. I don’t tell you these things to hurt you or upset you. I just need you to truly understand. As J-Lo says in her song, “If only you knew what I’ve been going through, waiting and wanting you…” None of what I’ve said here actually puts it in to perspective. This is also why I love speaking about it with you face to face.
All in all, I don’t need to be your happiness, I just need you to be happy, Agapi mou.
