you are

It’s been 3 hours since I’ve left and I am finally calm. Able to breathe again. Think clearly again. Despite the incessant beeping in the back of my mind (or maybe it really is the neighbors). Despite the thoughts of possibilities invading every and any coherent thought I have. Despite having five voices shouting over each other as if they were at a war front.

Thinking. All I can do and have been doing is thinking. Non-stop about different things. Things that will never happen. Things that may leave me vulnerable and the laughing stock of the school. Things that I shouldn’t concern myself with. Things that are just hypothetical. Things that eventually leave with the same outcome – that I’ve become a failure, a nobody, second best or never there.

It’s magical how there are five different voices in my head shouting different opinions, ideas, emotions and feelings but in the end all of them are tuned to the fact that ‘I’m not good enough’.

I’m not good enough

I’m not good enough

I’m not good enough

I’m not good enough

I’m not good enough

I’m not enough.

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