Date: 9/28/2018
Time: 1pm
Location: Rosebud Coffee
What is my worth? Can I do my dream job while having fun and providing for my family? Do I even know what my dream is?
Do you know what your dream is?
As I embark on this epic journey, join me and marvel at all the nitty-gritty details along the road: it’s not always smooth, there are often bumps every couple of steps. But as a good friend once said, “I failed my way up to where I am today.” In his mind, he is fortunate and, well, shall I say charming as hell? In my mind, however, he is not only one of the smartest person I have known throughout my 33-year of life, but also a top-notch negotiator and calmer*.
“What’s the matter, Rob?” Bourne said to me as he walked into the office. It was 9:52 am.
“I don’t know if I can hold it anymore.” I replied.
“Hold what?” He was confused.
“Tears.” I said.
“That bad, huh?” He knew exactly what I was talking about. “Let’s take a walk.” Just as we were about to exit the office, he remembered, “Wait, let me grab my coffee!”
Bourne has never been a barista in his life. However, as an Thai Australian immersed in the best coffee culture in the world, he made his cup of Joe almost everyday since adulthood. There was an expensive espresso machine in our office which cost more than two grand. He taught me how to froth milk. “You have to make a swirl.” Easier said than done!
Even after constant practice every work day, I still couldn’t master the skill. The best I could achieve was something like this:
Did it resemble an Apple? Not really? I didn’t think so either. It was so difficult for me just to draw a basic heart. Well, I wasn’t trained in coffee art, nor would I need it to make a living.
What did I do to make a living? You ask. I was a Software Engineer, Data at a digital advertising firm.
Michael was my boss’s manager. He was in his mid forties, with two sons in grade school and a German wife. As a Russian immigrant to the United States, he worked his way up from a delivery boy to Senior Vice President of Data Engineering. I’ve always liked him. He had a bear-like quality, standing six foot tall. We used to have a pull-up platform in our Santa Monica office so that the entire staff could compete in afternoon breaks. Everyone would enter their names and how many pull-ups one could manage in a paper plastered on the wall. It was fun!
That was why I loved my company and it was ranked the Best Place to Work by Wired Magazine. Although my total compensation wasn’t up to par, I endured and enjoyed the environment, the people, and the culture. The office had a good vibe. I loved it. Even in the rare occasion when we had to work overtime, there were free pizza and drinks, ranging from coke to juice to beer. Our German Scrum Master started drinking at breakfast!
Backed to the morning I was let go. Yes, you heard it right. Michael let me go.
“This is your LAST DAY of work, Robert.”
He said to me during our regular 9:30 am BlueJeans video conference call. I was in Sydney, Australia and he Santa Monica, California. Somehow I had a bad feeling before the meeting, Bourne had mentally prepared me for this worst case scenario, but it still struck like lightning. No, more like air being suck out of my body completely. There was nothing left except shock, disbelief, and a forced smile on my cheek while the rest of me was trembling uncontrollably.
“Don’t try to change the decision that’s already been made. Hold your head up high, Rob. Don’t beg.”
I remembered Bourne told me the above the night before, when we went out out drinking after work.
Okay. Now what? The suspense for over a week is now over. So is your career, Rob. I said to myself. This is your first job and you just got yourself fired. Oh, technically being let go is better than being fired. But who cares? You are about to be unemployed. Your Green Card, your wife, your cat Whiskey, everything you’ve worked hard for in the past three years will be in vain and everyone who loves you will be in shock. Or even be ashamed of you.
I was definitely feeling defeated, flat, frustrated, and depressed. As I roamed aimlessly through office corridors and pressed 1F in the lift, I was crying in office public men’s showers before even realizing it.
It’s official. I’m a failure now.
The water was running and my head spinning like crazy. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I called Jane.
(Click here for the next episode.)
*calmer: it is an adjective according to Web Dictionary. I treat calm as a verb in this instance. Therefore, calmer means someone who can calm the people around said person. In a nutshell, this person has very high emotional intelligence and can be relied upon for stability and harmony within a given group, e.g. an office of colleagues, a bunch of friends, a family spanning multiple generations.
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