Do humans really want to be understood?
First question, do you enjoy talking about yourself to people, let alone what kind of people they are or person he/she is? If so, have you considered why? Why do we want other people to know about us, our hobbies, our opinions or even deeper, our relationships? Well you might say that “I only have the urge to express myself or expose myself to someone I like or I wanna be friends with”. Actually I am the same, because making friends or building relationships is a process of building mutual affection. But consider when you heard a random person, or just a colleague boasting his opinions on a specific issue about which you hold a different view, would you feel the voice inside your body telling you “just listen to that guy, you don’t have to speak about yourself, you don’t want to make it into an argument”?
We all want to express ourselves in some way, it’s like prove our existence in the society, in this world. Lock our footprints somewhere so people won’t forget us. It is human’s basic need to talk out, to communicate, to maintain the bottom line of life quality: to be a human. Humans were originally live by tribes to depend on each other to survive. Now we still want to maintain that connection, to make us feel useful, valuable and remarkable.
What do I feel when I am lack of face-to-face warm communications for consecutive days? I feel my body is a movable machine with coding inside to signal my mind to eat, to sleep, and to entertain myself. I feel like a machine, an animal, with no spirit. But my spirit is always there, no matter whether I talk to outside world or not? However, without proper communications and expressions, my mind just shuts down because I feel disconnected to the world even though with tremendous new videos posted from my YouTube subscribers, numerous internet information, and random text messages. Without real-world interpersonal communications, I become nobody because of the change of my brain or my recognition of myself or my perception of myself to the world. Is it normal or is it just me? Maybe a research could be done to analyze different brain change patterns or brain activities among people who feel different levels of loneliness when they are blocked of face-to-face communications for few days, and observe in which day the brain changes the most which is also when they are hit by loneliness the most.
We all enjoy expressing ourselves in some degree, but, raising the second question here, to what extent do we want other people to understand us, to know about us?
I am type of person who would be easily annoyed by my family members and friends no matter how much I love them. A little improper actions or values that counter to my “golden standard” would change my opinions about him/her and I would feel slightly disgusted and make me just want to stay away. Personally, I would prefer a little bit distance between me and my friends because I want to keep our friendships perfect by keeping our “imperfections” away from each other. It is nearly impossible to find someone exactly like you . Well, some people might say “True friendship or love is accepting who he/she really is, including mistakes and drawbacks”. That’s true. I love my friend as an individual and I could tolerate those drawbacks, but I don’t enjoy seeing those flaws displaying in front of me again and again. I want to keep myself delighted first. Also, when I feel annoyed, my friend would ultimately feel it some day and then he/she would notice the orthodox side of me which might turn them away. So keeping personal dark sides or weirdness as a secret is a reason that “I don’t want them to understand me that much”.
There are other reasons why people don’t want to be fully understood: privacy, which is a very abstract and deep word; intimacy with ourselves; and essentially to live as an independent individual with available connections to the world.
How much of you would you like to expose in the general public, in front of friends, family members, or the significant other? How much do you want to be understood by those who you feel close to? Or ask yourself, how many dark sides or “weirdness” do you have, and how many things do you prefer doing alone or privately?