An eerie silence hangs over the streets of Paris in the aftermath of the 13 November attacks. Public places are empty, tourists have fled, and a sadness hangs over the city.

Going back to work on Monday morning, I noticed that there was an inner noisiness that was counterpoint to this external silence.

People are struggling to make sense of the tragedy. They are not finding the right words to say to eachother when they meet at work, in the cafes, in shops. The question: “Ca va?” feels strange, like rubbing salt into a wound.

Just this evening, someone asked me how I was. She looked so sad and tired as she said this, I replied: “People don’t know what to say anymore.” She nodded in agreement. “There’s nothing to say.”

It feels like people are torn between a need to be tender-minded about the trauma and a compulsion to be tough-minded. Being tough-minded is the way to make quick, cynical jokes about everything, from the air strikes to the bungling of the terrorist plot at the football stadium. It is emotional self-protection, and it leaves a void.

Being tender-minded is more difficult. I’m having a hard time focusing on anything because my brain seems to be on over-drive trying to come up with a narrative that brings relief from the confusion and pain. If I was tender-minded, I might try and switch this off for a while.

Why did the “Peace for Paris” image by Jean Julien go viral? It was simple, it expressed pain and a hope for healing, and it showed love for the city. After the shock of the weekend, Monday morning came and it was hard to match feelings with words.

I found myself saying silly things like, “Well, as you can see, I am alive.”

In two weeks, Paris will be host to the COP21 climate negotiations. It is likely to be a trimmed down event. A lot of groups and organizations are going to see their public events cancelled, the much-hoped for momentum dimmed. As Eric Holthaus said on Twitter today, “Really, really unfortunate if all Paris #COP21 side events are cancelled. They form the critically-necessary soul & spirit of COP meetings.”

There is an obvious parallel between climate change and the kind of violence we saw here in Paris on 13 November. Both are probably here to stay, and the only thing we can do is adapt.

Being tender-minded with ourselves could be a first, hopeful step towards that adaptation.