A love letter

I remember you. I remember as if it were yesterday. You’re infectious smile. Eyes that sparkled with mischief and wonder. A naive, curious spirit. Never mean. Full of hope. A pure soul only looking for a connection with like-minded souls.

I miss you. I miss your zest for life. The innocence in your trust. Your belief in the kindness of the world. Your faith in the future. You could find beauty in a blade of grass, a partly cloudy day. You could feel the serenity in a cloudless night in the silent depths of winter as the full moon cast its crystal blue light on pure, undisturbed snow that blanketed a sleeping field.

I mourn you.The loss of innocence. The loss of faith. The loss of trust. Eyes dimmed from all the atrocities you’ve seen. A heart broken too many times. Your soul wounded from all the hurt you’ve felt. Your spirit crusted by the harsh world around you that cares more about things that people.

I need you. I need to know you’re still there. That you still believe. That the world hasn’t completely destroyed you. That you have survived what has been done to you, what you have seen. What you have had to do to exist, live, survive.

I see you. I see you still, when I remember you. When a wayward scent sparks a memory. When a song floods my whole being with the emotions of a long forgotten moment. You were so beautiful. So caring. So care free. Happy. You still are. Somewhere deep down inside where you hide yourself from the people who would hurt you if they know you still existed.

I know you. I know every thought you’ve ever had. Every experience. The depth and breadth of every emotion. Every fear, every tear, every nightmare. Every joy, every touch. Every hug, every kiss. I know you because… I am you. Older. Sometimes wiser. But not really you anymore. A memory of you. A shadow of you.

And you know me. You were me. A me before the world knew me and sunk its claws in me, shredding me to pieces, leaving me to find all the parts of me to put myself back together in the dark moments alone. Me, before the world molded me into who you see today. A different you than you thought you would become. And we both weep for what we were, what we thought we would do. Who we thought we would grow into.

I love you. Unconditionally. There is, and will only ever be, one of us. We are beautiful. We are worthy. We are strong. We are brave. We have survived. And we are perfectly who we should be.

I see you. I remember you. I know you. I miss you. I love you.

I love me.

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