My oppression is worse than your diminishing entitlement
Feminism. Men’s Rights.
Do all feminists hate men? Do all men’s rights activists hate women? Is the goal of either side to suppress, subjugate and minimize the other side into obedience and sub-servitude? Is there a middle ground?
All valid questions. Although they aren’t the only questions. Not by a long shot.
I am not here to answer these questions. I’m here to put to rest some really bullshit answers and arguments. Excuses I am tired of hearing. And since standards in the last year or so have been drastically lowered, I’m going to toss the PC bullshit out the window and just lay it all out there for you.
For over a century (actually a lot longer than that but let’s keep it simple and relatively current) women have been struggling and fighting for equal standing compared to their male counterparts. As that traction gained ground and the voices got louder, men (in the collective, gender sense) started to push back against the tide. There are so many stories about this particular dynamic that I’m not going to list any here. You know how to search. I’m sure you can find a few on your own.
My goal here isn’t to school you on history about the specific individual battles that have happened, and are happening, in this gender war. And yes, I said it. GENDER WAR. A conflict between genders that has, at times, escalated to violence, with both sides fighting for what they believe is theirs.
So, you might be asking, what is the purpose of this post if you aren’t going to give us a history lesson? Well, my dear readers, I said I wasn’t going to give you a history lesson about the battles. I did NOT say you weren’t going to get a lesson.
If you read an article about a woman moving up the ladder, breaking ground in a “man’s” world, or anything that talks about how women are asking for, struggling to get, demanding equality (used here to mean equally applied standards — very general — I know — deal with it) you will see in the comments something that goes like this…
Man: what about men’s rights? Men who have to pay outrageous child support while probably never getting to see their kids? Men who are automatically considered guilty of abuse just because the woman said she is “afraid”? More men are convicted of crimes, are victims of crimes, have a shorter life span, are forced to go to war and die so women can have their “FREE” freedoms (yes I have seen this argument), blah, blah, blah.”
Do you really want to know about men’s rights? About why people AREN’T talking about MEN’S rights? About why you are the last on the proverbial totem pole? THIS IS WHY.
Why do you have to pay child support? Because, until recently, if a man didn’t want to acknowledge and support a child he didn’t have to. If a man got a woman pregnant, especially one he slept with out of wedlock (you know, the whore he swears seduced him into sin), he could walk away and she was left alone to raise the child. She had no recourse to make him share the responsibility. None. He got to walk away from the situation free and clear, to never look back, and she was the sole parent. That was the norm. Hell, that happens even now! But now a woman can take the steps needed to prove paternity and request the father also take and share the responsibility. Something that women for century upon century never could do. The women were not only shouldered with raising the children alone, they frequently were shunned by society. And if they were lucky enough to find some kind of job to make ends meet, it was the lowest of jobs available. All the while, men who either contributed to the child’s conception, supported the established norm that it was the way it should be (men absolved of all responsibility and NOT shamed for their part in creating the child) and the men who fell into both categories, kept the social norm in place. Men — making the rules that benefitted them most while making sure they aren’t burdened with responsibilities they didn’t want to shoulder. Women — no choice. Subjected to the whims and wiles of the men who make the rules.
See? For CENTURIES the pendulum was solidly entrenched on one side only. The side that favored men. Once the tether that held the pendulum back was released, the pendulum swung fast and far in the other direction. Will it eventually balance out? Odds are it will. But once that pendulum was released it naturally was going to swing in the other direction. It had to. And the men who were entitled and allowed to walk away from any responsibilities they wanted to without consequences were now required to accept that responsibility. They were REQUIRED to do the RIGHT THING. And it took LAWS to MAKE THEM. Let me repeat that. LAWS HAD TO BE ESTABLISHED AND ENFORCED TO MAKE MEN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Why? Because decent human nature was not part of their entitled makeup and place in society. Because most never would have done the right thing if someone didn’t make them.
And now men are bemoaning that they have to take responsibility. I’m not crying a river with you.
And this leads into the whining about how men don’t get to see their kids because the woman typically gets custody. Let me give you a moment to re-read the two big paragraphs above to refresh your memory.
Men set it up that way. Really. You did. Women were delegated to the home. Men did the big, bad MAN thing and went to work. OR men did the big, bad, SHIT MAN thing and left all together. LEAVING the children WITH mom. A society of men set that standard up. Don’t blame women now when your gender’s actions of the past come back to haunt you.
Also, divorce, whereas it has been around forever, hasn’t been as prevalent as it has been in the last five or so decades up to the present. Women who were married typically stayed married. The main reasons? The man made the money and controlled everything. Therefore, without an income and resources, a divorced woman was really shit-fuck-out-of-luck. So, the man got the house, the kids and the caged/trapped wife. Goody for him. And IF a man DID divorce his wife, he usually left her with the kids because he didn’t want to burden himself. AND without paying any kind of child support. HE LEFT. If the woman left for any reason she typically left the home and the children with the money earner. Which is why it wasn’t common for a woman to leave. But it did happen. So, once again, the man wins by MAN MADE RULES.
Now, I do need to add here, I am NOT in favor, at any time, of keeping children from their father/mother (depending on who gets custody — and yes, men are starting to receive physical custody of the children in divorces) unless the children are in danger being around that parent. There is so much a child can gain from two parents sharing the parenting instead of using the child as a pawn against the other parent. Successful co-parenting can and DOES happen. My youngest daughter is a prime example. She spends the school year with her father (for practical reasons) and I see her not only every other weekend but as often as I can and want. I have her all summer, but again, we talk, compromise on dates, times, cost of things (and there are a LOT of things children need that cost money). Her father and I co-parent rather well. We may not have worked as a couple but we do very well as her parents. And that IS how it should be. Since we balance a close to 50/50 co-parenting time we also don’t give each other, or more to the point one doesn’t give the other, child support. We support our child as equally as possible and we do it by communication between us — and her. Why? Because we both created that child and we both want to be there for her, even if we don’t want to be together. THAT’S how that works.
Now back to our regularly scheduled program…
Again, the pendulum was released from its captivity and naturally swung the other way. Imagine that. Now men, who created the rules of the game, are upset that the rules THEY SET UP are now being used against them. You can’t bitch when you create the world you live in and then don’t like the world you created. Fix it. Don’t bitch.
For many years women and children were considered property. If some men were honest, they still consider their wives and children property. But women in particular have traditionally for centuries been bartered, bought, sold, married off, taken, traded and held. Being less than human meant that the masters, the owners, the husbands, the fathers, could use any methods they wanted to in an effort to keep their property in line. Being human, women have always had a sense of self, even if they have been brainwashed into believing they are less worthy, and didn’t always measure up to what their owners expected. The punishment? Beatings. Maltreatment of some sort. But beatings were the most common.
Daughter didn’t do her chores fast enough? Get the belt. Wife burned dinner? Backhand her or burn her arm, hand, whatever, to make sure she never burned dinner again (this has happened, in this century even. Look it up if you don’t believe me). Female show more leg than society (men) deem appropriate? Public humiliation. Public flogging. Public stoning. Take your pick.
Now men are upset that they are viewed as the more aggressive, and typically more violent gender. Huh. I wonder why that is? I wonder why women feel afraid when a man screams at her, hits her, threatens her? I wonder why women do everything they can to remove themselves from men they don’t know? Oh, could it be because men, past and present, get aggressive, violent, dangerous when a woman turns them down or says no?
Men, in the past and even into the present, have this entitlement that says they can have whatever they want. Can do whatever they want. Say whatever they want. Take whatever they want. See a pretty woman walking down the street? How many men feel entitled to catcall? Feel they can comment on how she looks, dresses, walks? Feel their ego snubbed if she doesn’t respond, stop walking and acknowledge them, feel flattered they are paying attention to her?
Forget that she is a person who DOESN’T OWE MEN A DAMN FUCKING THING. She doesn’t owe you to stop and stroke your ego, acknowledge you even exist. She has every right to walk past you without feeling obligated to smile at you, say thank you when you grunt your caveman compliment. Men for centuries have expected women to obey, oblige, cater to, serve them as, wait for it… their servant. Their property. And the moment women stand up and say NO MORE, men get all bent out of shape that women are not obeying them anymore. They aren’t in their “proper place” any more. A place they never should have been in in the first place.
So, no. Your traditional entitlement doesn’t count for shit now. Women do not need to “know their place”. We KNOW our place. We KNOW what we want. And it’s not to slunk behind your ass, doing what we are told, when we are told, how we are told, by men who feel they are owed obedience by default of them being men. For a very long time you have enjoyed the position of being the one in charge. Now that times are changing, and we are telling you we don’t need you, you are feeling the pain of losing your entitlement. We don’t want to dominate you. We don’t care about that at all. We just want you to finally realize that you don’t OWN us. We OWE you nothing. We don’t NEED you.
And, here’s a kicker for you. Ready? YOU DON’T NEED US EITHER. You don’t need a woman to make you feel like a man. You don’t need to rule over a woman to show your buddies you are a big, strong, macho, alpha male. It’s your entitlement, your arrogance, your lack of self-esteem that drives you to want to lord over women, and other men for that matter. Your need to flex whatever muscle you are thinking about at the time. Your insecurities. That’s all. And now that women are telling you that we don’t need your big, macho, flexing, strong self, you feel lost. Scared. Unsure of YOUR place. So you make more rules to “keep women in their place”. Rules made by men to put women back where they think they belong. Barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. Because your entitlement tells you that changes are coming and you don’t like it.
And when we, as women, tell you we won’t go back into your kitchen, barefoot and perpetually pregnant, you tell us we OWE it to you. Men have gone to war, you say, to protect the freedoms that women enjoy and we OWE you to forever be grateful. For those men AND women who have fought in wars, died in wars, were injured in wars, I thank you. I appreciate all you have sacrificed. But I do not OWE you sub-servitude. I do not OWE you by “knowing my place”.
Human kind has been fighting for as long as there have been humans. For some reason we think that if someone has something we want, has taken something we thought was ours, has looked at us wrong, thought differently than we do, we have to destroy or enslave them. War is nothing to be glorified. It’s horrendous. And women have, for centuries, been part of the spoils of war. War brides have been a part of war for century upon century. With no say in the matter. Are we supposed to thank you for that? For pillaging our lands and then taking us as treasure? For forcing us to be thankful and obedient because you won a war or battle where people died? And then be thankful that you brought your version of peace? No thank you.
Of course more men die due to violence. More men COMMIT violence than women. Yes, there are some women who commit crimes and or kill. But statistics show more MEN commit violence than women. AND commit violence AGAINST women. Is it any wonder why we are afraid of you? Why we are suspicious of any man we don’t know coming up to us uninvited? Your entitlement, that you have enjoyed for centuries, has engrained into your beliefs that you are owed something. That women owe you something. Sex, obedience, service.
Women no longer want to bow down to men. And the few that do perpetuate your entitlement. We don’t want to rule you. We want to be responsible for ourselves without you telling us we can’t, without you telling us how. Without making rules to keep us down. We don’t want you to not be men. We want you to understand and allow us to be human beings. To be the strong women we know we are. To be able to stand on our own, make our own decisions about who we sleep with, when we sleep with them, when we have children, IF we have children, our own healthcare without interference, where we work, go to school, where we live. We want the same things men have been able to enjoy since, well, forever.
The world has been changing for a long time, and continues to change. Change is the one constant in the universe. And no man can stop it. You can try to fight it but we women have voices, desires, wants, that sometimes have nothing to do with men. And they shouldn’t have to.
This may have sounded like a man-hating rant. It’s not, at all. It’s a wake-up call to those men who fight against change. Who want to keep the status quo so they can keep their egos inflated. Who feel that women can’t and shouldn’t enjoy the same freedoms men have for hundreds and thousands of years. Women don’t need to keep quiet. We have voices and we will be heard. Women don’t need men to be told our place. We are perfectly capable of choosing for ourselves.
This is why, even though there really are men who have been treated unfairly in life, legal matters, etc, that men’s rights aren’t taken as seriously or talked about as much as women’s rights. Men have had the rights forever. They have had the luxury of taking what and WHO they want whenever they want. They made the rules that set them up for the current dynamic we have today. And they have the power to finally make things better, for both men AND women.
For the men who have already embraced the change and understand that women are more than able to function without them, thank you. Thank you for evolving. Thank you for understanding that a strong woman does NOT diminish your masculinity. That a vocal woman does NOT silence your voice. That men and women CAN each be responsible for themselves and their choices and do NOT need approval or permission to be themselves.
The pendulum is swinging. Eventually it will swing the other way with less momentum, and eventually it will stop in the middle. How soon it stops, equally between both sides, depends on how much each side continues to push it. Be part of those who want to stop it altogether. In the middle. With both sides playing by the same rules. That’s what most women want. To be a part of the game with the same rules. Same standards. That’s not too hard to understand.
It’s also not a lot to ask for.