Crushed

Did I go too far? Did I push too hard? Crushing emotions create a dark cave around me. I want her love to be unconditional, but the fear that I’m not worthy teeters with reality.

I never stopped loving her. I never thought any less of her. So why did I invite that girl into my bed? Why risk such high stakes for such little reward. In the moment, it felt right. She was scared, lonely, needing love, and I could give it to her. How could I not? My dinosaur brain had justified physical boundaries from energetic ones. I have things upside-down. My world is spinning. I just want to hold her, and make it all go away, but that would not put me in the fire, where I can burn and transform.

Part of me felt like I was lured into a fire pit. Like a universal conspiracy I willingly fell into. I knew these fears were present from the get-go. Now is my chance to prove myself to myself. Or continue burning.

Affirmations: I will stay laser focused. I will not become diffused through delusions of being the healer, the guru, the mystic. My highest self will remain in integrity. I will harness my sexual energy.

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